We are truly sorrowful to hear about your struggles with health, loneliness, and the challenges you're facing with your mother. It's important to remember that God cares deeply for you and understands your pain. First, we want to address your feelings about your mother and others with Asperger's syndrome. It's important to remember that everyone is uniquely created by God, and each person faces their own set of challenges. People with Asperger's syndrome may struggle with social interactions and communication, but it's not accurate or fair to label them as cold-hearted or mean. It's crucial to show compassion and understanding, just as Jesus taught us to love one another (John 13:34, WEB).
As far as the struggles with health and loneliness, it is best to first to call to God in the name of Jesus. We go to God the Father in the name of Jesus, not in our own name. It is by the name of Jesus that we are saved and it is in the name of Jesus that we have access to God the Father. Then Jesus told them, “I most certainly tell you, it is not Moses who gave you the bread out of heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread out of heaven. For the bread of God is that which comes down out of heaven, and gives life to the world.”They said therefore to him, “Lord, always give us this bread.”
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will not be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. Jesus told them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.”(John 6:32-35 WEB)
In addition to Jesus you also have fellow believers to depend on. It is vital to connect with a community of believers who can support and encourage you. The Bible tells us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together (Hebrews 10:25, WEB).
However feelings of loneliness and despair are an issue for you we should address them as well. When suffering continues without relief feelings of loneliness and despair can be overwhelming. When you feel suffering is too great and that life is a burden it is natural to ask God to end your suffering. In your message you are suffering even to the point of despair and thinking to ask God to end your life, this is wrong. Asking God to end your life is asking him to break the commandment not to kill. God sill not violate his own commandment even if we ask him. The 1st Commandment of the 10 commandments in Exodus 20:13 is You shall not murder. (Exodus 20:13, WEB) We are commanded to bring every request to God in the name of Jesus and trust in God for all provision. Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the things that you need, let your requests be made known; in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, and with your requests to God, the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7) This is faciliated by by the Holy Spirit in us. In the same way, the Spirit also helps our weaknesses, for we don’t know how to pray as we ought. But the Spirit himself makes intercession for us with groanings which can’t be uttered. He who searches the hearts knows what is on the Spirit’s mind, because he makes intercession for the saints according to God. (Romans 8:26-27, WEB)
Instead look to the scriptures for your hope in this regard. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways, says Yahweh. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain comes down and the snow from the sky, and doesn’t return there, but waters the earth, and makes it grow and bud, and gives seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so is my word that goes out of my mouth: it will not return to me void, but it will accomplish that which I please, and it will prosper in the thing I sent it to do. For you shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace. The mountains and the hills will break out before you into singing; and all the trees of the fields will clap their hands. Instead of the thorn the cypress tree will come up; and instead of the brier the myrtle tree will come up: and it will make a name for Yahweh, for an everlasting sign that will not be cut off. (Isaiah 55:8-13, WEB)
We stand with you in prayer, seeking God's will for your life.
Dear Heavenly Father,
We lift up Chiimulth to you, asking for your healing touch on their health and their heart. Comfort them in their loneliness, and help them to feel your loving presence. Give them the grace to forgive and understand their mother, and to show compassion to all those around them. Align Chiimulth, and guide and give discernment to anyone providing help, understanding or counsel. Protect and provide for Chiimulth, and renew their strength, faith, and trust in your goodness. Remain steadfast in the love of God for people with Asperger's syndrome so that you may excersize great compassion and understanding toward them.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.