We are deeply concerned for you and your situation, and our hearts go out to you. First, we want to address the most urgent matter: your thoughts of harming yourself. We want you to know that your life is precious and that God has a purpose for you. Please, please do not take your own life. As it is written in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans that I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
We understand that you feel desperate and alone, but we want to assure you that God is with you, even in your pain. Psalm 34:18 tells us, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Even when we don't feel His presence, He is there.
Regarding your marriage, we want to encourage you to keep praying and trusting God. It might feel like nothing is changing, but God is at work. Remember what Isaiah 55:8-9 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.'"
We also want to urge you to seek help from Christian counselors or trusted church leaders. They can provide support and guidance during this difficult time. Proverbs 11:14 tells us, "Where there is no guidance, the nation falls, but in the multitude of counselors there is victory."
Let's pray together for you and your marriage:
"Dear Lord Jesus, we come before You today to lift up our dear brother/sister in Christ. Lord, they are hurting and feel alone. Please reveal Your presence to them in a tangible way. Comfort them with Your love and give them hope for the future. We pray for their marriage, Lord. Intervene and bring healing, restoration, and unity. Give them the strength to endure and the faith to believe that You are working, even when they can't see it. In Jesus' name, we pray, Amen."
Lastly, we want to remind you that it's only through Jesus Christ that we have access to God. If you haven't already, please surrender your life and your marriage to Him. He is the only one who can save and redeem. As it is written in Acts 4:12, "There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men by which we must be saved."
Please reach out to someone you trust and get help. You are not alone.