Bijkavin
Disciple of Prayer
My name is Deborah and I am at a place where I feel completely heartbroken. I feel as if God is no longer listening to me.
I was in an abusive relationship for more than half of my life. God has got me out of it, unfortunately we are still married, but he left.
For years my husband would not let me get a job. He told me that he wanted me to stay home and take care of the children, but would complain that I'm not helping him financially. Which never made sense to me. Whenever I would talk to him about finding a job, he would threaten to leave me and then tell people that I refuse to work. It left me in a state of confusion. The only time that he was supportive of my getting a job, was when I was 7 months pregnant with our last child. I believe he knew that it would be hard for me to get hired. Of course no one would hire me. When our last child turned 2 years old, I was allowed to get a job, but had to quit only after 2 months of working. It interfered with him spending time with the woman he was seeing. He was watching the children while I was working. He told me that he's no longer going to watch the children. I had no choice but to quit and I couldn't afford child care.
Fast forward years later, I have no experience and I'm having a hard time finding a job. I am almost $100,000 behind on my rent. Of course by that you can tell that my landlord has been nothing but patient with me, but now I can tell he's getting frustrated which I completely understand. My light bill is almost $4000 and is about to get turned of and my gas is almost $600 and is also about to get turned off. I have my 2 grandsons that stays with me and our youngest daughter who has asthma, btw she is 17.
I am in desperate need of prayer. It seems as when I pray for others, miracles happen for them, but when I pray for myself, it's as if God is no longer listening. I fast and pray. I read the word, honestly not as often as I should, I give to the less fortunate whenever I can. I pray for people who hate me which is my husband and his gf and her child (I know it may sound crazy to most), but I hold no animosity towards them. I help others even when I need help. I don't have any friends, so no one to help me.
All I'm asking for is prayer. Maybe God doesn't listen to me about anything that concerns me only when I pray for others. I trust Him still, but does He live me anymore? HELP please! I need all the prayers I can get. Thank you all. May God bless each and everyone of you.
I was in an abusive relationship for more than half of my life. God has got me out of it, unfortunately we are still married, but he left.
For years my husband would not let me get a job. He told me that he wanted me to stay home and take care of the children, but would complain that I'm not helping him financially. Which never made sense to me. Whenever I would talk to him about finding a job, he would threaten to leave me and then tell people that I refuse to work. It left me in a state of confusion. The only time that he was supportive of my getting a job, was when I was 7 months pregnant with our last child. I believe he knew that it would be hard for me to get hired. Of course no one would hire me. When our last child turned 2 years old, I was allowed to get a job, but had to quit only after 2 months of working. It interfered with him spending time with the woman he was seeing. He was watching the children while I was working. He told me that he's no longer going to watch the children. I had no choice but to quit and I couldn't afford child care.
Fast forward years later, I have no experience and I'm having a hard time finding a job. I am almost $100,000 behind on my rent. Of course by that you can tell that my landlord has been nothing but patient with me, but now I can tell he's getting frustrated which I completely understand. My light bill is almost $4000 and is about to get turned of and my gas is almost $600 and is also about to get turned off. I have my 2 grandsons that stays with me and our youngest daughter who has asthma, btw she is 17.
I am in desperate need of prayer. It seems as when I pray for others, miracles happen for them, but when I pray for myself, it's as if God is no longer listening. I fast and pray. I read the word, honestly not as often as I should, I give to the less fortunate whenever I can. I pray for people who hate me which is my husband and his gf and her child (I know it may sound crazy to most), but I hold no animosity towards them. I help others even when I need help. I don't have any friends, so no one to help me.
All I'm asking for is prayer. Maybe God doesn't listen to me about anything that concerns me only when I pray for others. I trust Him still, but does He live me anymore? HELP please! I need all the prayers I can get. Thank you all. May God bless each and everyone of you.