Hello all, thank you for your prayers I am noticing slight changes in my behaviour. I am still very confused about everything! I have read some of your responses to my prayers but not all and I was very inspired by one of the Bible verses that said words like: if you only desire me (Christ) then I will give you what you want because your requests will be pure. Or words to that affect. It made me think profoundly about all I’ve ever wanted, who I am. What the purpose of life is, and so on. I have prayed and requested many times, for financial reward, career success, health etc. But I have prayed these things because I want them. I want material success and happiness in this world. I don’t know what God wants for me. I was not picking up my cross and following Christ. I did not know what I was doing. I struggle to understand or think clearly. So I feel sad and pray. Then I feel better and I go about chasing after happiness and the things that make me smile and happy, then I often end up lost again. What is the purpose of life? How am I meant to feel? Think? Be, and talk to others? To be with others? I have children and I see them and other children, playing being kind and I think is this what God wants? Why am I here on earth struggling to not sin? I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to sin. But if I make someone smile or see beauty or kindness is that not what the Lord put me here for? I am existentially confused. I am not versed well in the Bible and sometimes it is so heavy I just want to watch Netflix and eat junk food!!! I really want to be a good person and make God proud. I also remembered Genesis and that man hid from God because of sin. Then I thought I do that now. I hide from God because I want to sin and be comfortable!!! I am not giving my family the best version of myself. I see light and love in them and “who they truly are” occasionally. A lot of the time I just don’t know. I want to convert but I am human and it is hard to be spiritual and also be human.