We are truly heartbroken to hear about the struggles and the burden of shame you've been carrying. First and foremost, we want to remind you that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1 WEB. God loves you unconditionally, and He wants to help you overcome these feelings of shame and guilt. The first thing we will address is a pattern of moving away from God's will for your life into your own desires. Doing things your own way will never satisfy. We are instructed to trust in The Lord with all your heart; and do not lean on anto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and depart from evil. It will be health to your body, and nourishment to your bones, Proverbs 3:5-8 WEB.
The shame you feel from your past actions is an outcome of sin. Sin is what separates us from God and unfortunately in some fashion or form all have fallen short God's standard. Romans 3:23 WEB However, God sent Jesus to become a propitiation for our sins saving us from this separation and shame if we accept the salvation that is available. Jesus Christ is our hope and only triumph over our wrong choices. Therefore it is important to always acknowledge Him specifically. With Him comes our salvation, repentance, and forgiveness.
These past events around the finding of pornography, very inappropriate curiosity, and the discussion you had with this individual are very sinful. There is no getting around this, it was very wrong. Furthermore, you mentioned that you were a participant in some rather vomit inducing inquiries and your lack of concern at the time. However do not forget that God has your back. Do you think that you would be feeling this way now if God was not trying to show you your need for His forgiveness. God wants us to come to him and place our burden to him. Even when we are not conscious of our need of God's correction, God will take us by the hand by giving us a sense of the gravity of our failures and direct us toward reconciliation with Him. It is important to be informed of these sins not because God wishes us to suffer but rather because he wishes us to be reconciled to Him and to be able to convince us that we are in need of His saving power. Remember even when our problems seem too great for God, He says Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest, Matthew 11:28 WEB. So come to Jesus confess this sin to Him. It is time to be free from your past.
Now it is time for deliverance and restoration. God does not intend for us to walk in the flesh anymore. Therefore, you need to abandon your present course. It is time to get a grip over your phone, your application use, and an excessive amount of pointless internet activities. You should seriously consider removing apps, websites, and servers that do not align with biblical principles and use of your time for God. Remember that you have been bought with the sacrificial blood of Jesus John 3:16 WEB, therefore we must carefully utilize our bodies and our time, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit, as opposed to engaging in activities that is contrary to the will of God 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 WEB. Keep your way pure. Turn from the evil things a person says. God has laid down commands and limits to all.
We must also discuss the bigger issue here. The root cause. Your messages suggest exposure to sexual acts at a very young age. This is commonly seen today as very wrong, sinful, and leads to problems such as yours when left untreated. Unfortunately, it seems to be more normal for children to experience certain situations but this is not God's will. It is likely that these actions have become imbedded into your mind. The scriptures instruct us to take every thought captive in obedience to Christ 2 Corinthians 10:5 WEB We must be proactive in these situations for the sake of our soul and to honor Jesus. Otherwise these actions become a snare to us and we continue in sin. Exposure to this situation has no doubt caused shame, remorse, as well as abandonment of righteousness. When we experience this situations, we are commanded to flee. Do not touch. Do not taste. Do not handle. 1 Corinthians 6:18 WEB.
Furthermore, something that many may not realize is that sex is not a discovery of our owns. In doing so it has been cheapened and ruined becoming a perversion of the real actions. Sex should be a celebration of the marriage union as commanded by God. We do not have the right to tamper with this but unfortunately not only has the world disregarded and turned their back on this, they have also thrown God's design for marriage into the thrash. The disregard of God's command to flee immorality has resulted in sexual abuse, rape, and advertisement of these horrific tragedies. The rise of pornography and tales of abuse are rampant in the world. I dissolve joints and marrows, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. There is no creature that is hidden from his sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of him to whom we are to give an account. Hebrews 4:12-13 WEB
About this conversation such as this or about past sexual events must be in the light. It seems that this conversation has not been disclosed. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them. Ephesians 5:11 WEB
Jesus is the Great Physician. He is capable of healing every wound, no matter how deep. In his holy word there is forgiveness, healing, and power. In Psalms you can see that God has written, I waited patiently for Yahweh. He turned to me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay; and set my feet on a rock, and established my goings. He has put a new song in my mouth, even praise to our God. Many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in Yahweh 40:1-3 WEB. This is the goodness of God and it is time to come to Him. God even promises in Revelation 21:4 that He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. We must run to Jesus for refuge and help. We are constantly reminded that there are overwhelming issues, but God can overcome them and remove them from our life. We must be willing to cast our cares on Him as their burdens are too great for one person to bear on their own. Psalms 55:22 WEB.
Have you considered allowing a trusted person know this situation. It may benefit your recovery knowing that someone is on your side and interceding on your behalf. You may also search for group committed to recovery to assist everyone around you. In James we are reminded to always confess your offenses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The insistent prayer of a righteous person is powerfully effective. James 5:16 WEB God promises in the Bible that the prayer of faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will raise them up, due to the Lord's grace. There is healing in communication with God. Matthew 18:18-20 WEB: Most certainly I tell you, whatever things you bind on earth will have been bound in heaven, and whatever things you release on earth will have been released in heaven. Again, I tell you assuredly that if two of you will agree on earth about any reason that they shall ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in their midst.
Moving forward you must consider that the reason for sexual acts before marriage is rooted in selfishness. God has called us to be defeated from self-control which is a fruit of the spirit. Stop being deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortioners, will inherit God's Kingdom. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 WEB The world fails to realize our bodies are for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. Historic interpretations have lead us to believe that this has not always been the case. This interpretation may be partially true. Especially in regards to sexually immorality. You cannot use this to excuse our faults when the Bible clearly states the opposite.
Finally we wish to address a pattern of seeking comfort where The Lord should be sought. God promises us to be our comfort in times of need. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we won't be afraid, though the earth changes, though the mountains are shaken into the heart of the seas; though its waters roar and are troubled, though the mountains tremble with their swelling. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 WEB
Let's pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You today, lifting up this beloved child of Yours who is struggling with the burden of past sins, shame, bothering feelings, and sexual addiction and exposure as a small child. Father, we ask that You would forgive and heal as your child returns to you having resolved to cease sinning against you. We pray that You would help break the chains of their struggle, shame,and burden , and grant freedom to become the man of God were made them to be.
Lord, we ask that You would fill their heart with Your love, peace, and comfort. Help them to turn away from the things of this world that do not align with Your will and to fix their eyes on Jesus. I also pray that they would seek restoration of those relationships that have been hurt and lost during these difficult battles towards your healing and restoration. These people are important and I pray that they would be reconciled to God having returned to the faith.
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ,Amen.
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