I’m in love with my pastor and I can ...

[Davidsbathsheba]

Please pray that God will allow this cup to pass from me.

I’m in love with my pastor and I can tell by the tenderness in his eyes when he looks at me, that he is in love with me as well. Nothing has ever happened between us, so why do I feel such a sense of shame? God is love: At least that's how I try to justify our feelings for one another. Neither of us asked for this. In fact, we have never even spoken about it. It just is what it is and it's extremely strong.

This man is married, has children and a prominent (mega church) pastor who has thousands of women at his disposal, if he so desired to exploit his position in that manner. So, I'm having a difficult time understanding, why his heart is turned toward me. I'm having even more difficulty understanding why he has entered into my heart: 1) I am well aware that at one point or another 90% of female parishioners become attracted to their pastors (it's the power factor) but I’m not that easily impressed or captivated. 2) I am not now nor have never been a church groupie. 3) Given my past preferences, no one who knows me would ever pair me with him. He is an attractive man, just not, historically, the type that I have been attracted to. But love surpasses all things so they say, even types.

I try not to question God's ways but I can't help but wonder why He would put two people who love Him so very much through this kind of agony. The bible says that God does not tempt and that temptation is always of the devil. This is very confusing for me right now because neither of us have any evil intent for anyone affected, certainly not for one another, so how can it be of the devil?

As painful as it has been, I have joined another church and I believe that he is making a concerted effort to repair or do damage control in his relationships with God, his spouse, and with his church.

Here’s the thing, it seems like the longer I go without seeing him, the stronger my feelings become. I have been in love before and I was in a loving marriage for years, but I have never in my life fallen this hard for anyone. I have cried more in the past few months than I can ever recall. I pray about it constantly and I know that this too shall pass. In the meantime, what do I do with my feelings and how do I stop this pain? I can barely eat or sleep. I go to bed and wake up with him on my mind daily. It feels as if someone has ripped my heart out and stomped on it, still I am forced to carry it with me everywhere I go, or naturally I will die (it hurts)

 

[Articles]

May God hear your request and grant it according to his will. In Jesus Name, Amen.

 

[FROMWOUNDEDNESS]

Oh sweetheart, run.............run as fast as you can from this situation!!!! You know right from wrong. Your heart will heal!!!!! May God bless you. Flee from satan. Wow.....such a strong woman, smart woman. Do what GOD has placed on your heart, and not what Satan has placed in it.

Praying for you with deepest sincerity.............

 

[Eugene]

God of love & peace empower us to wage the good warfare, having a strong faith & a good conscience & help us not to fall away when we experience temptation & persecution. Empower us to guard, secure & fortify ourselves against all the deceit & temptation. God of mercy cause Your face to shine upon us & bless us, deliver us & heal us in every way. Hear & answer us according to Your Word in Jesus name in whom we have redemption through His blood & forgiveness of sins. Wonderful Savior, High Priest & Living Head. Amen

 

[jojosymon]

Listen to God's word, I pray that you turn toward God and not Satan. Amen

 

[Davidsbathsheba]

Coming Out of The Fog

Thank you to all who prayed for me.  I wanted to share my current status that hopefully it will help someone else that is going through or will go through this type of situation.  It can’t be mutually exclusive to me.

Many people advised me to run, this is satan's temptation they said, and while that may be the case I prefer to dwell in [i Corinthians 10:13] Here's what I believe: Sometimes we come into people's lives for a moment in time (though it may seem like an eternity) simply to serve as a catalyst for growth.  Perhaps my presence was to rekindle the spark between this pastor and his wife.  Perhaps this situation was to remind this pastor of his commitment to his family.  Perhaps it was to encourage this wife to fully embrace her role as first lady of the church and as help meet to her husband.  Maybe it was to guide the church as a whole to lower their brows enough to allow a kinder gentler spirit into their being.  Or perhaps the lesson was to remind me that not only am I still capable of loving but that love is still available to be as long as I keep my heart open and trust a little more, which hasn't been the easiest thing for me to do in the past few years.  But then again perhaps it's just God's way of reminding me that when my plans for my life begin to veer from His will that He is still in control and no matter how intuitive I may think I am, His will is unpredictable.

I must admit that I was quite upset with God for a minute because this seemed like such unnecessary torture especially for someone who has been through so much STUFF in my lifetime (violins).  I did however, come to the realization that though God may not reveal to me what is on the road ahead, He will thoroughly equip me for the journey.  My responsibility is to simply say "Lord, I trust you" and to position myself through prayer and supplication to receive this day my daily bread, whether it comes in the form of material gain or a deeper understanding of God's will for my life [Jeremiah 29:11]  I believe that God has been refining me, especially over the last three years to fulfill His purpose for my life, which I know without a shadow of doubt is much bigger than I can ever begin to imagine.  I Just want to be ready.  I know that the devil has done everything in his power to sidetrack me but when God is setting you up there's nothing that the devil can do to knock you down.  I may sway a little but I'm not down for the count. 

I am coming out of the fog, some days are better than others, but I'm getting there so keep praying for me.

My prayer:  Father, I place my life in your hands.  Help me to live above my circumstance even as I am in the midst of the storm. Help me to keep my mind focused on You so that in all situations I am aware that Yours’ is the greatest love.  In Jesus' name, Amen.