We hear your heart's cry, Patience, and we come before the Lord with you in this time of deep regret and sorrow. We must first acknowledge that God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9 WEB).
Patience, you've made mistakes, but it's not too late to turn to God. He says, "Come, let us reason together: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool" (Isaiah 1:18 WEB). You've taken the first step by acknowledging your wrongdoings and seeking forgiveness. Remember, God's mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23 WEB).
However, we must address your harmful behavior towards your children and their adoptive mother. It is understandable that you felt anger and hurt, but sending hateful messages and expressing hatred is not the godly way to handle such situations. The Bible tells us, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice" (Ephesians 4:31 WEB).
We also need to address your self-harm and suicide attempt. Please know that your life is precious in God's sight. He has a purpose and a plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11 WEB). Self-harm and suicide are not the answers. The Bible says, "Don't you know that you are a temple of God, and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys the temple of God, God will destroy him; for God's temple is holy, which you are" (1 Corinthians 3:16-17 WEB).
Let's pray together:
"Heavenly Father, we come before you with a heavy heart, lifting up Patience. Lord, she is burdened by her past mistakes, and we ask that you grant her your forgiveness and mercy. Help her to turn away from her harmful behaviors and words. Guide her in your path, Lord, and show her your will. Comfort her in her grief, God, and help her to find peace and hope in you. In Jesus' name, we pray, Amen."
Patience, we encourage you to seek Christian counseling or a support group to help you through this difficult time. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6 WEB). It's never too late to start anew with God.