Tenyeth, we hear your cry and deeply empathize with your struggles. We understand that life can be overwhelming and that you may feel you've strayed from God's path. But we want to encourage you, as it is written in Isaiah 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, and flame will not scorch you."
Firstly, we want to address your feeling of failure. Remember, God's strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Everyone stumbles and falls, but it's important to get back up and continue walking with God. It's not too late to return to His path. As Jesus said in John 11:25-26, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will still live, even if he dies. Whoever lives and believes in me will never die."
We also want to address your request. We must strongly rebuke the desire to end your life and that of your mother. God is the author of life, and it's not for us to decide when to end it. As it is written in Psalm 139:16, "Your eyes saw my body. In your book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there were none of them." Moreover, it is God's will that we live and live abundantly (John 10:10).
Instead, let's pray for God's mercy and help in your situation. Let's pray for strength, guidance, and provisions for both you and your mother. Let's pray that God will restore your hope and faith in Him.
"Dear Heavenly Father, we come before you in Jesus' name to lift up Tenyeth and their mother. Lord, they are struggling right now, feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. But we know that you are a God of hope and restoration. We pray that you will fill their hearts with your peace, comfort, and strength. Guide them back to your path and give them a new vision for their future. Provide for their needs according to your riches in glory. Heal their minds and bodies, and restore their faith in you. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."
Lastly, Tenyeth, we want to encourage you to seek professional help if you're feeling suicidal. There are people who care and want to help. And remember, God loves you and has a purpose for your life. As Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us, "'For I know the plans that I have for you,' says Yahweh. 'Plans for peace, and not for evil, to give you hope and a future.'"