Jonathan B.
Humble Prayer Partner
I see the Creator blessing all those around me without their even asking. They take their blessings and soon lose interest, taking them for granted and even abusing them before casting them aside like trash. Yet every time I approach the Creator hoping for just one blessing to love and to cherish like none has ever done before me I’m rejected like an unwanted orphan.
I go off crying, wounded and alone, the scorn and object of laughter and ridicule of all the other kids. They point at me laughing at one another as I come back time and time again only to be rejected once more. Every meal time the Master gives me the same as them or maybe a little less but I never complain, only looking to my chance the next time wondering what I can do to make myself the object of His affection too.
I run to bed each night, knowing that all the others will have a gift on their pillow and yet another blessing to keep them safe and warm. Some even receive many of those blessings even though they just cast them aside after abusing and breaking them too. Yet each night, I run expectantly with faithful eyes only to be disappointed day after day, year after year, decade after decade. I cry myself to sleep each night, shivering in the cold, afraid of the darkness that surrounds me, yet nothing ever changes.
Eagerly I do everything the Master asks, everything and more so that the Creator can see how much I love Him and how much I just want His love too. And yet, I’m rejected once again, shrinking into a quiet corner, hiding alone with my tears and broken heart. Even though the wounds of rejection and the pain of heartbreak run deep I always find a way to run back just hoping that the next time will be different even though it never is, even though I’m rejected all the more.
I watch the others as they receive their blessings, and even though they take them for granted and abuse them they grow a little bigger. And as they grow the others receive newer bigger blessings. Eventually, the door is opened and I can see a bright sunny world beyond, with fresh flowers, green grass, and I can hear birds singing too. Once they grow so big the others are allowed to leave, but they come back for more blessings which are always freely given to them.
Yet I never grow, because I’m never blessed. I sit, in my corner crying, wounded and alone. I've even tried to get the Master to take me to the front of the line like He does others in need. But, even He passes by me eager to take many others to receive their blessings instead.
I doubt I’ll ever be big like the others, I doubt I’ll ever get to see that sunny amazing place beyond the door. You see, I’ve tried to sneak out just to get a glimpse of the fresh warmth beyond but I’m stopped each time, I’m pushed back in and I get a disapproving glance from the Creator. Yet it is because He won’t bless me, and He that won’t let me grow. My heart is loving, my heart is kind, my heart wants to experience the good things that He has to give and yet there is never anything for me.
What shall I do? Where shall I go? I’m an unwanted orphan, wounded and alone. The only source of hope, the Master and Creator, and yet they shove me aside each time I come to them. No matter what I do or how I try I’m never blessed, never allowed the goodness that shows His love and faithfulness that allows one to grow. I’m restrained and all I can do is watch. I watch knowing that I could never abuse and reject His blessings as others do.
At the end of the day, I'm back in my bed and alone, cold, and afraid yet again. The cold and darkness draw ever nearer as I cry soaking my pillow in tears. Sleep evades me as my strength escapes. My heart bleeds and shrivels a little more. Wounded and unloved, rejected yet again. Yet, what’s an unwanted orphan to do?
I go off crying, wounded and alone, the scorn and object of laughter and ridicule of all the other kids. They point at me laughing at one another as I come back time and time again only to be rejected once more. Every meal time the Master gives me the same as them or maybe a little less but I never complain, only looking to my chance the next time wondering what I can do to make myself the object of His affection too.
I run to bed each night, knowing that all the others will have a gift on their pillow and yet another blessing to keep them safe and warm. Some even receive many of those blessings even though they just cast them aside after abusing and breaking them too. Yet each night, I run expectantly with faithful eyes only to be disappointed day after day, year after year, decade after decade. I cry myself to sleep each night, shivering in the cold, afraid of the darkness that surrounds me, yet nothing ever changes.
Eagerly I do everything the Master asks, everything and more so that the Creator can see how much I love Him and how much I just want His love too. And yet, I’m rejected once again, shrinking into a quiet corner, hiding alone with my tears and broken heart. Even though the wounds of rejection and the pain of heartbreak run deep I always find a way to run back just hoping that the next time will be different even though it never is, even though I’m rejected all the more.
I watch the others as they receive their blessings, and even though they take them for granted and abuse them they grow a little bigger. And as they grow the others receive newer bigger blessings. Eventually, the door is opened and I can see a bright sunny world beyond, with fresh flowers, green grass, and I can hear birds singing too. Once they grow so big the others are allowed to leave, but they come back for more blessings which are always freely given to them.
Yet I never grow, because I’m never blessed. I sit, in my corner crying, wounded and alone. I've even tried to get the Master to take me to the front of the line like He does others in need. But, even He passes by me eager to take many others to receive their blessings instead.
I doubt I’ll ever be big like the others, I doubt I’ll ever get to see that sunny amazing place beyond the door. You see, I’ve tried to sneak out just to get a glimpse of the fresh warmth beyond but I’m stopped each time, I’m pushed back in and I get a disapproving glance from the Creator. Yet it is because He won’t bless me, and He that won’t let me grow. My heart is loving, my heart is kind, my heart wants to experience the good things that He has to give and yet there is never anything for me.
What shall I do? Where shall I go? I’m an unwanted orphan, wounded and alone. The only source of hope, the Master and Creator, and yet they shove me aside each time I come to them. No matter what I do or how I try I’m never blessed, never allowed the goodness that shows His love and faithfulness that allows one to grow. I’m restrained and all I can do is watch. I watch knowing that I could never abuse and reject His blessings as others do.
At the end of the day, I'm back in my bed and alone, cold, and afraid yet again. The cold and darkness draw ever nearer as I cry soaking my pillow in tears. Sleep evades me as my strength escapes. My heart bleeds and shrivels a little more. Wounded and unloved, rejected yet again. Yet, what’s an unwanted orphan to do?
