I really don't know where to begin. I have once again walked away

[praysite-422]

I really don't know where to begin. I have once again walked away from God as I lost my brother to an accident 6 months ago. I was the one sick and was ready to leave this world. Instead he took my brother who had everything going right in his life. My journey with God has been rough. It seems the closer I would get to him the tougher my life became. I do believe in God and know that only he can make things right. So I have a list of events taking place in my life that has overwhelmed me like none other. First, the man that killed my brother in the accident is up for trial April 22nd. I pray that justice be done. Second, I need strength to find my saviour and to trust in him again. Third, my ex husband is a very wealthy individual. He takes me to court every few months until I can't financially fight anymore. He wants me to give up custody of my children so his new wife can have them. I am at the point that I can no longer fight him financially. I now have to file bankruptcy and face the great risk of losing my children. Only God can help me now. I called an attorney and she needs $10,000 retainer to begin the fight. This man physically and sexually abused my older child when I was married to him. He was from a previous marriage. DHS said it was just a custody battle and refused to charge him with anything. I am scared for my kids to be with him. One of them came to see me a week ago and has refused to go back to her father's house. She has told me how he grabs her and throws her around. She is scared of him. I will be facing contempt of court charges now for not forcing her to return to an environment that she is terrified of. Again attorney needs a deposit to begin my case to keep me out of jail for protecting my daughter. My ex wants me in jail for keeping her. Next, my relationship needs to end but I don't have the strength to do it. I have been dating a man for 2 years and it is not a healthy one. I am criticized daily for who I am. He is not a born again Christian so I fight that battle also. There is so much more going on that most days I just pray for God to take me to him so I can see my brother again. I am feeling very alone and lost right now. I need prayer. I am only 38 and back to being healthy again. However, during my 9 months of heart problems, due to a Dr. giving me a bad combination of medication and almost killing me, I gained 60 lbs. I need the strength to get up and get motivated to get it off. I was also without work for those 9 months so you can imagine what all we have lost since I couldn't pay anything. I know we shouldn't question God, but I do. How could such a loving man put one person through so much all at once. I give.... I am at my breaking point.... I can't even see the light of day anymore. MeLisa, IA