Berrayll
Disciple of Prayer
I need to get a job, just finishing university this month. Terrified. Don’t know what will happen. But I hope I get the chance to move out please, can I just have one good thing in my life for once. I want to be with daya and I’m going to ask her to be my girlfriend because I like her and I don’t think I should wait when I know I don’t want to date anyone, I see a future with, she likes me, knows my situation and wants to be with me. Terrified that daya might find be boring soon. I want to try working towards a happier life but my past depressed life is so comforting, now it means I actually have to try and not mess this up. I have to be an actual adult if I happen to move out. Cooking, cleaning, working being organised….. I’m not saying I’m doing this solely for her but she also one of the reason and she sort of made me realise I can choose this for myself and don’t need to ask my parents’ permission. I never ever prayed for anyone I was casually dating but she is different….who knew someone wanting me would want to try to live in this world. Before her I was sure that my soulmate doesn’t exist. Maybe I’m delusional for thinking that she is my soulmate but I think she has made a positive impact on my life… I just hope it works out …. Hope I become brave enough… hope I improve my relationship with my family. Hope that my job doesn’t put me into depression because of my memory issues, I have recently started to accept my inattentive adhd diagnosis. Working a job has always been difficult for me. I am worried daya might say no to relationship with me because I’m bad at sex, I will definitely communicate with her if we end up having sex next time, that I need her to give me specific instructions and that I’m inexperienced. She has made it clear that she wants more than casual multiple times but still idk. We are meeting this Sunday, I hope it will go well. We are meeting for a board game date which I have never done and never been to a board game place.