Shaiavin
Disciple of Prayer
I feel so sad, defeated, and don’t know what to do. I am a teacher that has taught for 8 years with a limited license and 15 total without it. This is the year I am not allowed to teach anymore until I pass an exam that has a 46% passing rate. I have taken and failed this test 3-4 times already. I lost my job in June and I am behind in bills, my credit is taking a major hit, I am stressed beyond belief. I feel like I’m about to lose everything. I am even now behind in rent. I have a son to take care of. I am a hard worker and I have always had a job for 26 years. I have been driving Uber & Lyft until I find something, but it is not enough to maintain my bills in this economy. Even with this I have been sexually harassed (driving for Uber) & someone threaten to kill me. I keep breaking down crying b/c I can’t believe this is happening. I keep praying and God isn’t answering. I feel like he is punishing me for something. I’ve prayed, begged, cried, and pleaded, God seems so far away and like he refuses to hear me. Maybe if someone else prays for me he will acknowledge yall. I am a good person and I am always helping others even now that I don’t have it for myself. I know I’m not the only one going through this. It just doesn’t seem fair. I’m such a great teacher, I miss my kids and they miss me. I have other degrees and I’ve looked in those areas too. Several applications, resumes, and interviews and I don’t get picked. Then a lot of the ppl I’ve interviewed with are bothered by my education and accomplishments and are competitive or try to throw low blows at me during interviews, one interview even went as low as saying I was too dressy and no one in the entire city (Chapel Hill) dresses up anyway. This was for a professional. I wasn’t there for that and that had nothing to do with anything, but these are the obstacles that I’ve faced. I’ve worked hard, it’s not like it was just given to me and I take education very serious and am a lifelong learner. I am humble. The interviewers brought their insecurities to me and I just need a job. However, God wouldn’t put me in those settings, however I do need a job. I’m so sad and stressed. When I stress I eat and I’ve gained weight. I feel attacked. I have to drive Uber/Lyft every chance I get to pay whatever bills I can which doesn’t leave time to workout or meal prep or take care of me b/c I’m trying to make sure my son is good. I am trying my hardest to catch up on my rent, electric, and car payments. My car needs an oil change, engine flush & belt replacement. I’m praying that it doesn’t go. It’s 12 years old. My landlord is working with me but he could change his mind any day and I’m afraid of that. I truly dislike being in this position. Lord where are you?