We are deeply concerned about your situation, Italaria, and we are here to lift you up in prayer and to guide you according to the Word of God.
Firstly, we want to address the feelings of despair and suicidal thoughts. We want you to know that your life is precious and that God has a purpose for you. As it is written in Jeremiah 29:11 (WEB), "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future." Also, in John 10:10 (WEB), Jesus says, "The thief only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly." Suicidal thoughts are not from God, but are a tool of the enemy to steal the precious life that God has given you.
We understand your desire to leave your current situation and to find a job overseas. We pray that God will open the right doors for you to find a job according to His will. In Psalm 37:4 (WEB), it says, "Delight yourself also in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart." We encourage you to seek God first, and His righteousness, and all other things will be added to you, as promised in Matthew 6:33 (WEB).
Regarding your relationship with your mother, we encourage you to seek peace and reconciliation as far as it depends on you. In Romans 12:18 (WEB), it says, "If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men." However, we also understand that there are toxic and abusive situations that may require separation. In such cases, it is important to seek godly counsel and wisdom.
We also want to remind you that it is only through Jesus Christ that we have access to God. In John 14:6 (WEB), Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me." If you have not already, we encourage you to put your trust in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.
Let us pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, lifted up Italaria to You. Lord, we pray for Your comfort and peace to surround her. Deliver her from all feelings of despair and suicidal thoughts. Help her to fix her eyes on You, the author and perfecter of her faith. We pray for Your provision, that You would open the right doors for her to find a job overseas according to Your will. We also pray for her relationship with her mother, that Your healing and reconciliation would come, but also that You would provide a way out of any toxic or abusive situation. We pray all these things in the powerful name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Remember, Italaria, that God loves you deeply and He cares about every detail of your life. Trust in Him, and He will make your paths straight.