I know most of you will not understand..... But here

[empty]

I know most of you will not understand.....
But here goes,
I hate my mother,
How can I remove this anger when the past lives with me, I made a mistake by having her come live with me after almost 30 yrs being outta my life when she left the family...........I did not realize how much resentment I had until she came back.... I have terrible thought and bouts of anger and snap at her..I have never been this kinda person...when she left us I started getting panic attacks I have had chronic depression all my life and now the attack are coming back I have multiple chronic illnesses...truthfully I know God put her back my life so that I can heal from my past right ..right!!! I have tried praying away this feeling she is so negative..I tried my whle life not to be like her .... but her I am embodying the very same treatment she gave us as kids I tried to commit sucicide as a teenager .........she was the abusive kinds.. I am the oldest of 6 kids I took the brunt of everything...
I am trying everything in my power and might to shift my focus on positive things...the more I try the anger I get..
I cannot divert my focus.... I feel like I will go mad the sicker I become personally the angrier I get!!! I am trying to calm myself down but feel but body in stress sometime I feel like I am going to have a heart attack I am 52 and not in the best health...
I have to get this off my chest before I burst or do sometime drastic....I want prayers ..I don't want prayers I want resolution I don't want her here anymore I cannot live with her for the sake of my health .........I want answers I want to know why this anger is so like it is...shehas been here a year now and I cannot take it anymore my anxieties and childhood trauma feeling all coming back............I don't want this ...............I am not strong especially dealing with my health issues ........oh Lord I cannot find forgiveness I cannot find love in my heart I cannot find the light.........I don't want to lose myself again.......After the suicide attempt 32 years ago I did everything I could to change myself and re- raised myself I esducated myself in the way of human nature body and spirit all the understanding and spiritual insight is not working for me with my mother but it works for everyone else...........I am coming undone.......Please lord give me emotional strength and physicall wellness Forgive me for my behaviour and anger................ I cannot do this alone!!! Heal me of all my scars .... give me peace and calm I don't the right words to ask with... I am lost oh lord.... I really don't want her here ...staring at me giving me the sullen look and whatever thoughts run through her mind........she is a negative energy and I feel heighted anxiety everyday for the last 8 month she is not the person I thought she was I stood up for her for years against my siblings and yet she is exactly what I remembered her to be.... Forgive me forgive me I made mistake and I cannot take it back no one else wants her or has room for her ......................Yet I live in bachelor apt no bedrooms... I have no where to run too to escape being trapped at home cause I am sick most of the time........ we both have no money ................... GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE

 

[Lord is my Light]

I prayed for this. In Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[caldoug]

I prayed for this. In Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Angeline]

Lord, we know that You understand her and know her wounds and You also know the wounds in the heart of the mother... we pray for healing of the hearts and salvation and deliverance from harmful spirits... we also pray for provision, guidance and wisdom to deal with this circumstance. Lord I pray for comfort and grace.... and for strength through knowledge of Your Word.... help her we pray... in Jesus Name. amen

P.S. in fact you showed your great love by taking her in your home, even with restricted space. God bless you abundantly.

 

[Anonymous]

 

[polyspano]

Pray and read your bible daily and we will join our prayers to yours so that God our heavenly Father does what needs to be done ACCORDING to HIS will and not ours.

I know the right thing to tell you is to try and forgive and let be and shake the dust of your feet and walk on ....etc.... etc.... but I also know it is not always easy plus this person lives with you and this is not enough. Have you tried to discuss in a calm and loving manner all the things that have bothered you in the past and perhpas that might help? Whatever the case keep strong and keep praying.

Father, help our sister to overcome this in Jesus' name.

 

[glo226]

I prayed for this. In Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Rick1]

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7).

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanks giving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard you hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7).

I am praying for you and with you.

 

[JesusIsMyOnlyHope]

[SIZE=11pt]I pray for salvation for everybody who needs salvation here and I pray that God's perfect will be done in your lives, in Jesus' Name. Amen[/SIZE]

 

[Nineteen51]

The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace. Exodus 14:14