Bizdarrion
Disciple of Prayer
I’m 18 years old. Done with high school, finished two diplomas about a year ago, anyone can see me and think everything is okay but it’s not, I got so many problems, I got a lot of pressure on me, I’m constantly stressed as if I got the world’s problems on me, I’m super depressed all the time, sometimes I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep, I tried drugs but got no results, I’m also sick, it’s something I have since I was a kid, never worried about it that much until it became really severe this year, they can’t treat it cus they can’t diagnose it, so I’m just on painkillers and antidepressants, they don’t even do anything, I tried taking stronger drugs which kinda worked for sometime, and by that I mean it knocks me out so I don’t get to feel the pain and it starts again when I wake up, but now it doesn’t work anymore, it’s as if the thing is also combating the drugs becoming worse and worse, it has made me really weak, slim and dull, these days I get on my pc and don’t last up to 5 minutes before I close it, I just get soo tired and stressed out, I’m also dropping out cus there’s no money to continue, my parents are also dealing with a lot, I got no money, I been trying a lot of stuff online to get money, personal projects, but they never work out or I get tired and abandoned it or it’s just not working out. There’s a lot of pressure on me, from the society, my parents and myself. Mine is more than all of them, I feel I’m not good enough, I’m not doing anything with my life, I’ve become so reserved and antisocial, I feel like I need somebody but I don’t got no one, there’s this feeling I have that the rest of my life will depend on whatever happens these last few months on the year. I’m really scared, scared of failing, not making it , I don’t even know what to do. I feel like dying, it’ll definitely rid me of all of the pain and suffering but I can’t get myself to do it, I just cry and cry, I think about how it will affect my parents and also what comes after. I pray to God sometimes, but God doesn’t do anything for a long time, I feel he doesn’t do anything, maybe he just hates me or something, sometimes I don’t believe in God, sometimes I’m crying for his help, I’m having these battles with faith. They say nobody has ever asked for Gods help and God has denied or has not helped him but I don’t know why he has left me . I NEED HELP!!!