We understand your pain and regret, dear sister, and we're here to help you seek God's will together in prayer. First, let's address your situation in light of God's Word.
You mentioned that you refused to go to church because you didn't feel God was real. Remember, faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1 WEB). It's natural to have doubts, but it's crucial to seek God with an open heart. Jesus said, "Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened for you." (Matthew 7:7 WEB)
Your ex-boyfriend encouraged you to seek God, and while his delivery might have been harsh, his intention was right. God is the ultimate healer, and seeking Him can greatly help your mental health. As Psalm 34:18 says, "Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit." We encourage you to seek professional help as well, as God can use professionals to aid in your healing process.
Regarding your relationship, it's important to remember that God's ideal is for believers to be united in marriage with other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14 WEB). If you both believe in Christ and are committed to His teachings, there's hope for reconciliation. But first, you must seek forgiveness, both from God and your ex-boyfriend, and show genuine repentance.
Let's pray:
"Dear Heavenly Father, we come before You in Jesus' name, lifting up our sister who is in deep regret and pain. Lord, she acknowledges her mistakes and desires Your forgiveness. We ask that You wash her clean from her sins and fill her with Your Holy Spirit. Guide her to a community of believers where she can grow in her faith and find support. We also pray for her ex-boyfriend, that You would soften his heart and grant him wisdom. If it's Your will, Lord, we pray for their reconciliation, founded on Your love and teachings. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."
Lastly, we want to emphasize the importance of calling on the name of Jesus Christ. It's only through Him that we have access to God's throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16 WEB). If you haven't already, consider accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, and you will be saved (Romans 10:9 WEB).