B
Brenda222
Guest
I WONT BE COMING TO THIS SITE ANYMORE. I know its long but if you read it I appreciate it, this is my last letter here. I appreciate it. Pray for my soul please. I thank the ones of you who prayed for me for praying for me. You know its funny, I will probably get 25 responses and prayers here. I look forward to the prayers here but it seems that when you pray and ask for blessings you get 2 or 3 responses, when you say you are turning away from the word you get 25 responses and I actually did look forward to the responses. A praise report gets you about 2 responses. Why is that?
Its the same thing Im dealing with outside of this site, when I have lost everything and trying to stay in the word I get not one phone call or visitor. When I am doing well I have backstabbers, critics and lecturers all on my side and all around me.
Guys this has been a year long battle and I cant win it. This situation only gets worse and worse. Its easy to say that if you were in my shoes you would just take any job and keep praying and deal with what I have to deal with, I dont know if alot of you would deal with it, just like I cant.
I beg and ask for prayers for certain things. You say the Lord does it on his terms, thats fine, but how long is a person supposed to suffer. Yes I know Jesus Christ suffered. Does anyone expect me to really just live like this the rest of my life. A year ago I was in a relationship that after 10 years I was told they didnt love me anymore. Ok so the person moves in his family, his ex (sleeping in my bedroom), in the home with my child, slept with my child in the bed between them at first. We both had addictions throughout our relationship, I stuck by him thru his, was it right to kick me out of our home cause I was having trouble with mine. Was it right to move your ex in our home? No it wasnt. I loved this person so much. This person stayed out all night on me, talked to his other woman on the phone in front of me, played songs to tell me its over all day in the home, came home whenever he wanted to and woould not even speak to me in the home except to say hello after they came home after staying out all night, never called home when they have been out all night, never called our child. Now this person has the family and the ex in our home, and I am told that I cannot come there, even if Im homeless (which I was). This person asked me to move, I was staying home taking care of our child all day, but yet told me cause I wasnt paying my 1/2 I had to move, now the people there stay there for free, around my child and have a home as long as they want to, sent my child into the situation of being from a broken home but yet everyone else there can stay and visit their children at our home. My other kids dont have a place to come visit with mom and enjoy the home, they did visit and holidays and all before I was kicked out, now my child is hurt because the brothers and sisters that used to come over, visit on holidays and all, we dont have that place to visit each other and be a family and I always had that thru the 10 years we were together. Before his family never visited, my kids did (my older kids). His family would not visit for 10 years when I was there. Now that he put me out our home is the family meeting place for them, now they supposidly love my child, never visited or got to know my child while I was living there. So now the ex has a place for her kids to visit and spend the nite, which they do and they act as if its her home, she had nothing to do with buying the home or going thru the changes to get it, I did all the work to get that home, but this is who he lets move in. Oh, then he says, someone told me you cheated on me and you have to go. I never cheated and told him to think what he wants, I didnt argue, everyone knows I didnt cheat on him, but I think he needed a reason to feel he was justifying what he was doing.
Great, you say see a lawyer, I am not interested in that, there is no equity in the home, and why would I want anything to do with a home that a woman has been laying in the bed having sex with my man, a man I never cheated on for 10 years and was faithful. I cant fight this man for a home and penniless, so stop telling me to fight for the home and all the bs, the home is not what I want ok.
I had my credit doing good, the Lord blessed me to get out of that abusive home, I was doing just fine, the Lord blessed me with a job and my plans were to buy another home for me and my child. I had a few (so I thought) good friends. I was blessed with a job and could have made money to buy another home. I had planned to get one after a year of employment and my credit was getting good enough to buy one. I was going thru depression of the breakup, didnt want to live and hurted so so much because I still love this person. You guys have to understand that it is hard to go thru a breakup after all those years, if you stay on your feet its not but I went down. I was no good for anyone, not even myself. I had just got back to work after about a year. Then I get a job offer from a company, a really good company. On my original job I had friends and was doing well, good attendance, happy to get up and go every morning, had a routine, stayed in the word, watched Joyce Meyers, going to church, a bit of everything, just happy, paying my bills off and credit was going up so I could buy another home. I was still depressed over the breakup. My so called friends convinced me to go to this company, said since this was an opportunity they would help me with my child so I could work the hours the company wanted me to. I thought they were right, took the job. Nothing could be further from the truth. Once I changed jobs, they find it that they couldnt get my child to childcare like they promised me. And my ex had to work but the people in the house wouldnt get my child to school, even though they didnt work and still dont work, he wouldnt dream of asking them to do this. My so called friends constantly told me how they couldnt do this because they didnt get up that early, and if I didnt have gas to give them they couldnt get my child to school, and then all of a sudden they want to go back to work, they cant stand being at home, so they couldnt help me with my child, and no one helped me, I had to give up my job, I had no one to get my child to school and childcare didnt open that early. So now I have no way to pay rent, Im evicted from 2 apartments. I am now homeless, asked my ex to move back to our home, he said I couldnt and could not come near the home, even though everyone else lived there, took my child there but told me I couldnt come there. I am homeless, sleeping in the car, I pray for another apartment, yes I get one, he helps me when I am short sometimes. Dont say take it to court I cant fight him ok, he helps sometimes when I am short on rent and does for our child so I am not starting a battle and losing the help he does give me. K, this man still will not speak to me, wont even say hello, talks through our child. When we were together he never took our child anywhere and didnt spend the time at home, now he takes our child everywhere, being the model dad in front of his family, but 10 years we were togeher never had time for the child, takes the child shopping, do everything he didnt do when we were in the home together. I did it all but no one saw it because they didnt come around for 10 years. So who looks like the model parent to everyone, him. Remember I have no job now, cant even hardly afford rent on what unemployment gives me. Ok, so I lose everything. My car I could no longer afford and was planning to trade in if I had kept my job now gets repossessed. I have no bus fare, walk 12 miles round trip to go where I have to go, push groceries home in a cart in the sun for 3 miles, the so called friends wont even give me a ride, in fact when I couldnt work they stopped speaking to me, see now Im a bum, cant live like I used to and cant even afford to get my hair done for $15 at the beauty school, wear the same things over and over so now no one wants to be seen with me or even speak to me. Now I know it had to do with jelousy because I was getting on my feet, same so called christians wont even give me a ride to the store, to the bus stop or home after church or even pick me up for church, I was on my way to getting my home, trading in the car and living, was paying my tithes, which they werent and was living good with me and my child alone. Now the so called friends, so called christians want nothing to do with me and wont even call to say hello, even though they constnatly called wI was doing fine. See now they are better than me. I was makimg friends at the orignal job. So now all I can do is sit here and worry about rent, recluse in my apartment, blessed by the Lord to pay rent every month, some way, by borrowing every month, living how I never have, isolated from the word because no one even calls, and all I have is this prayer site. K, no friends, no contact from the outside world, no one has time or wants to be bothered anymore. I walk everywhere, dont have bus fare. Dont tell me to go to agencies and all, Im tired of living like this, begging from day to day. I get food stamps. Can feed my child. Now my lifeline, my internet is being cut off and cable being cut off, so now I will be even more isolated here, alone, cut off from the world, cant do anything for or with my child, when my child is here the apartment will be empty, no cable or anything, cant afford to even hardly buy toliet paper and do the things my child is used to me doing, so now it looks as if daddy is the model parent, I cant even take the child to the store to buy a 99cent toy ok.
I apply for jobs, turned down from every last one of them. Try to pay bills. Wamt to get another home for me and this child one day, but cant find a job. My unemployment is running out then I will be homeless forreal, AGAIN. The so-called friends will come and take me to the store if I sell them foodstamps, I cant I need them to feed my child, and wont sell them, so they wont come by, call me and say they relly need to buy food stamps cause it will really help them, ok. Call me a few times to say I am in your neighborhood, knowing I have no car and have to walk to school roundtrip 12 miles and even walk to pick up my child from school, roundtrip 5 miles, when daddy cant get our child. Cant wash dishes 1/2 the time cause I cant afford dishwashing liquid. This child sits here with me, isolated from the world also when the child is with me. So I understnad when my child wants to go with daddy, there are people there, the room is full of stuff, I dont get mad, there is no way a child can sit here and talk and do nothing all day with mommy, so its not my child's fault. Cant get a job to save for a car so I cant take this child anywhere or anything. Daddy is buying all the clothes and shoes and everything I did for my child, did it before but now that the relatives and ex are in the home he doenst give me the money anymore, he does it, does the shopping with the child so the relatives all know now I do nothing and he does everything, they didnt see the 10 years of him never taking this child anywhere, not even to the store. The child would ask when we were together to go with daddy, he would say no, now he takes the child everywhere now that they are watching.
Isolated from the world here, praying for a year, no contact with anyone, cant even get to church anymore. Write my original job and ask for my job back, apply 5 times, finally they wont rehire me. No prospects of a job, unemployment running out, child doesnt want to come here, no phone calls from the outside world, no visitors, just isolated in life, getting ready to be homeless again, no prospects for jobs. All this becaue I changed jobs and listend to my so called friends, who are now smiling and telling everyone how good the Lord is doing for them. I pray and ask for a miracle that they will give me my job back, been doing this for a year, everyone tells me that GOD will do things when he is ready, I just want my job back, cant live like this daily. I dont care about starting at the bottom and working my way up again, pray daily for my job. Everyone says take anything, thats fine but no one will hire me. I was good at my job. Pray daily that the Lord will touch their hearts, work a miracle and give me my job back, I can even deal with having nothing, living in isolation and trying to get back everything I lost. You guys sit and tell me that there is something better in store for me from the Lord. Nothing happens, I turn away from the bible, you guys bring me back to sit in exile and isolation again, cant pay back all the money I owe from borrowing for rent and no one has money to help me next month, cant get to an agency to help me, have to wait til I have an eviction notice here and then they are 10 miles away, am I supposed to walk 10 miles there. Everyone, including daddy is doing fine, making it, having no problems, smiling, happy with their lives and dont have time to even speak to say hello or call to say hello. I cant afford to buy anything for myself, not even a pair of panties or even a plant to make this apartment feel good to me, me and my child are sharing a 1 bedroom, my child has nevr lived like this with me. I ask the Lord for a miracle and pray that they will call me to work, it doenst happen. I know the Lord does work miracles but this isnt happening for me. So now in jeopordy of being homeless again, cant pay the bills, unemployment going off, suffering. I know the Lord will deal with those who wrong me, its his vengence not mine, I dont do anything or say anything against them. The family who lives out of town dont speak anymore because they are tired of me calling to borrow money and dont even call anyway. I ask to come home with my child because I am evicted, they tell me its ok to sleep in the car with my child, just find a safe place to do it. Im not asking for a handout, I have never lived like this. No car anymore and nothing left. Everyone says to pray, Ive done that so much, I am still praying, but I am praying for the Lord to save my soul now that I am leaving this word. Cant see my child grown up, I know this child and my other ones need me, but I cant live like this in isolation and going thru this around my children. All this because I took advice and changed jobs. I know if they would have rehired me I would be just fine, even if they call me today and do it, but they are not calling. Dont say look for other jobs or take anything. McDonalds wont even call me ok. So Ive looked. I just wanted my job and sorry I made the mistake of leaving it because of what I was going thru.
So just pray for my soul. I know this letter is long but I just wanted to tell my story ok. I understnd we must go thru these trials. I am a female, I cant sleep on the streets from being put out, I have no car to sleep in this time. Do I see myself living like this the rest of my life, no I refuse to. Everyone says daddy had this planned to move the ex and the relatives in, less than 2 wks after he asked me to move and played songs that it was over, everyone moves in. I just want to ask for forgiveness from the Lord for listening to people. I had asked the Lord to bless me with a job to get me out of that home, the ex can have the home, the Lord blessed me, then I listened to others and threw that blessing away. I pray for a miracle and ask the Lord the same thing as I did before, for a miracle. I know the Lord can work miracles and bless me with my job back. I know the Lord can touch their hearts and they will ask me to come back. Ive seen this miracle. When the ex got abusive, and the Lord wanted me out of the house, he worked a miracle for me and I got a job offer, the job I should have stayed. It happened so quick. The ex got abusive and didnt come home 1/2 the time and the Lord let this job pop up out of nowhere, it wasnt even in the catagory of the jobs I do, I just searched the internet and found it. Thats why I know he can work miracles. Thats why I know he can touch their hearts and let them call me and offer me a job again evwn though they said they wont rehire me. I know this can happen. I know he can work miracles. My friends their are praying for me to get back to work there, they want me back there. I know that he can work this miracle, he knows this is the kind or work I love to do, I was just dealing with the breakup and all when I worked there before. I know that he got me out of that situation and blessed me with a job. It all happened so quick and it was like a miracle. I threw that away when I listendd to others. I know he can touch their hearts and change things around for me to where they will offer me employment again. I know all this can happen and I got that miracle before. I know the Lord can do this.
Problem is now, nothing is chaning, and honestly I cant live like this. I thank you for reading this long letter. I just wanted my whole story to be told. I Love you Jesus and Please forgive me for taking my life. I dont want to live like this anymore. This is not living. This is so bad and hurts so much.
I am tired of writing here and begging and asking for you guys to pray for my job back and you pray that I will get another one, better, that is not the issue, I loved my location, perfect hours and perfect pay. The location where my job was at was perfect, I cant deal with traffic and dont want to travel another way, Im sorry I jsut dont, beautiful location I had. I just wanted this one miracle. All this, my life lost becsuse I listened to others that I thought were my friends. Please ask the Lord to forgive me for taking my life, I just cant live like this anymore. So youve read my story. Sorry it was so long, at least you know why I did it. I just cant live like this anymore. I am tired of waking up with no where to go, nothing to do, isolated and living like a recluse. Thank you Jesus for getting me the job, I am so sorry I listened to others, please forgive me and please have mercy on my soul and please spare my soul. Thank you Jesus for eveything. I give you the glory. Jesus if you love me please work this miracle for me before I leave this earth. Please let me just have this one thing back. I dont intend to ask for anything else. You worked a miracle for me before. Please work this miracle this time. The enemy wants me and he will succeed. You saved me from the enemy before by giving me my employment. Please save me again. Jesus please show me a miracle so I dont let the enemy talk me into leaving this earth. I dont know what will happen but I dont want him to have my soul. I dont want him to win. I ask for a miracle in the name of Jesus. I bow down to you Lord. I give you the glory Lord. I praise you Lord. I know I was wrong. I want to see my child grow up, get my child a home in the future, and want my child to have a mom. Jesus I know I was wrong but can change my life. I know that. I know I was happy. I know you can work miracles and touch their hearts. I listen to you and you only Jesus. You showed me how people can be and showed me that I could live for you. You gave me my employment. You showed me that miracle that morning I was sitting at the computer and feeling abused and was being done wrong. Jesus you showed me the miracle. Jesus please save me from this fate. I know I beg and beg for this job but I am so sorry and Jesus I do believe in you and know you can perform this miracle, nomatter what anyone else says or does here, I know you can do it. Jesus I am not listening to these people on this site. I am listening to you and you only. I can hear them but I wont, You are the only one I want to hear from. I know they mean well and try to convince me. I give myself totally to you and live and follow you only, I knwo they are right but what I have been doing is reading their words, Jesus I will read your words. I wrote this long letter so they could pray for me. Jesus I am listening to you and you only. You showed me a miracle that day, please before I leave this world and take my life please show me a miracle. Jesus I am in your debt. I know with man nothings possible but with you all things are possible. Jesus this is asking for a miracle, I am asking in your holy name. Jesus I want you to take my soul when I go, please do not let the enemy have me. Please work a miracle in my life.
SITE - I wont be back here, I have to listen to the Lord and not you, no offense, you are man, he is GOD. God and the father are one, and the holy spirit are all one. I have been listening to you guys, I have to listen to him and him only, something I should have done. Hopefully the Lord will show me this miracle before I leave this earth. I cant depend on your words, its his sign, not you. Goodbye world, Thank you Jesus.
Its the same thing Im dealing with outside of this site, when I have lost everything and trying to stay in the word I get not one phone call or visitor. When I am doing well I have backstabbers, critics and lecturers all on my side and all around me.
Guys this has been a year long battle and I cant win it. This situation only gets worse and worse. Its easy to say that if you were in my shoes you would just take any job and keep praying and deal with what I have to deal with, I dont know if alot of you would deal with it, just like I cant.
I beg and ask for prayers for certain things. You say the Lord does it on his terms, thats fine, but how long is a person supposed to suffer. Yes I know Jesus Christ suffered. Does anyone expect me to really just live like this the rest of my life. A year ago I was in a relationship that after 10 years I was told they didnt love me anymore. Ok so the person moves in his family, his ex (sleeping in my bedroom), in the home with my child, slept with my child in the bed between them at first. We both had addictions throughout our relationship, I stuck by him thru his, was it right to kick me out of our home cause I was having trouble with mine. Was it right to move your ex in our home? No it wasnt. I loved this person so much. This person stayed out all night on me, talked to his other woman on the phone in front of me, played songs to tell me its over all day in the home, came home whenever he wanted to and woould not even speak to me in the home except to say hello after they came home after staying out all night, never called home when they have been out all night, never called our child. Now this person has the family and the ex in our home, and I am told that I cannot come there, even if Im homeless (which I was). This person asked me to move, I was staying home taking care of our child all day, but yet told me cause I wasnt paying my 1/2 I had to move, now the people there stay there for free, around my child and have a home as long as they want to, sent my child into the situation of being from a broken home but yet everyone else there can stay and visit their children at our home. My other kids dont have a place to come visit with mom and enjoy the home, they did visit and holidays and all before I was kicked out, now my child is hurt because the brothers and sisters that used to come over, visit on holidays and all, we dont have that place to visit each other and be a family and I always had that thru the 10 years we were together. Before his family never visited, my kids did (my older kids). His family would not visit for 10 years when I was there. Now that he put me out our home is the family meeting place for them, now they supposidly love my child, never visited or got to know my child while I was living there. So now the ex has a place for her kids to visit and spend the nite, which they do and they act as if its her home, she had nothing to do with buying the home or going thru the changes to get it, I did all the work to get that home, but this is who he lets move in. Oh, then he says, someone told me you cheated on me and you have to go. I never cheated and told him to think what he wants, I didnt argue, everyone knows I didnt cheat on him, but I think he needed a reason to feel he was justifying what he was doing.
Great, you say see a lawyer, I am not interested in that, there is no equity in the home, and why would I want anything to do with a home that a woman has been laying in the bed having sex with my man, a man I never cheated on for 10 years and was faithful. I cant fight this man for a home and penniless, so stop telling me to fight for the home and all the bs, the home is not what I want ok.
I had my credit doing good, the Lord blessed me to get out of that abusive home, I was doing just fine, the Lord blessed me with a job and my plans were to buy another home for me and my child. I had a few (so I thought) good friends. I was blessed with a job and could have made money to buy another home. I had planned to get one after a year of employment and my credit was getting good enough to buy one. I was going thru depression of the breakup, didnt want to live and hurted so so much because I still love this person. You guys have to understand that it is hard to go thru a breakup after all those years, if you stay on your feet its not but I went down. I was no good for anyone, not even myself. I had just got back to work after about a year. Then I get a job offer from a company, a really good company. On my original job I had friends and was doing well, good attendance, happy to get up and go every morning, had a routine, stayed in the word, watched Joyce Meyers, going to church, a bit of everything, just happy, paying my bills off and credit was going up so I could buy another home. I was still depressed over the breakup. My so called friends convinced me to go to this company, said since this was an opportunity they would help me with my child so I could work the hours the company wanted me to. I thought they were right, took the job. Nothing could be further from the truth. Once I changed jobs, they find it that they couldnt get my child to childcare like they promised me. And my ex had to work but the people in the house wouldnt get my child to school, even though they didnt work and still dont work, he wouldnt dream of asking them to do this. My so called friends constantly told me how they couldnt do this because they didnt get up that early, and if I didnt have gas to give them they couldnt get my child to school, and then all of a sudden they want to go back to work, they cant stand being at home, so they couldnt help me with my child, and no one helped me, I had to give up my job, I had no one to get my child to school and childcare didnt open that early. So now I have no way to pay rent, Im evicted from 2 apartments. I am now homeless, asked my ex to move back to our home, he said I couldnt and could not come near the home, even though everyone else lived there, took my child there but told me I couldnt come there. I am homeless, sleeping in the car, I pray for another apartment, yes I get one, he helps me when I am short sometimes. Dont say take it to court I cant fight him ok, he helps sometimes when I am short on rent and does for our child so I am not starting a battle and losing the help he does give me. K, this man still will not speak to me, wont even say hello, talks through our child. When we were together he never took our child anywhere and didnt spend the time at home, now he takes our child everywhere, being the model dad in front of his family, but 10 years we were togeher never had time for the child, takes the child shopping, do everything he didnt do when we were in the home together. I did it all but no one saw it because they didnt come around for 10 years. So who looks like the model parent to everyone, him. Remember I have no job now, cant even hardly afford rent on what unemployment gives me. Ok, so I lose everything. My car I could no longer afford and was planning to trade in if I had kept my job now gets repossessed. I have no bus fare, walk 12 miles round trip to go where I have to go, push groceries home in a cart in the sun for 3 miles, the so called friends wont even give me a ride, in fact when I couldnt work they stopped speaking to me, see now Im a bum, cant live like I used to and cant even afford to get my hair done for $15 at the beauty school, wear the same things over and over so now no one wants to be seen with me or even speak to me. Now I know it had to do with jelousy because I was getting on my feet, same so called christians wont even give me a ride to the store, to the bus stop or home after church or even pick me up for church, I was on my way to getting my home, trading in the car and living, was paying my tithes, which they werent and was living good with me and my child alone. Now the so called friends, so called christians want nothing to do with me and wont even call to say hello, even though they constnatly called wI was doing fine. See now they are better than me. I was makimg friends at the orignal job. So now all I can do is sit here and worry about rent, recluse in my apartment, blessed by the Lord to pay rent every month, some way, by borrowing every month, living how I never have, isolated from the word because no one even calls, and all I have is this prayer site. K, no friends, no contact from the outside world, no one has time or wants to be bothered anymore. I walk everywhere, dont have bus fare. Dont tell me to go to agencies and all, Im tired of living like this, begging from day to day. I get food stamps. Can feed my child. Now my lifeline, my internet is being cut off and cable being cut off, so now I will be even more isolated here, alone, cut off from the world, cant do anything for or with my child, when my child is here the apartment will be empty, no cable or anything, cant afford to even hardly buy toliet paper and do the things my child is used to me doing, so now it looks as if daddy is the model parent, I cant even take the child to the store to buy a 99cent toy ok.
I apply for jobs, turned down from every last one of them. Try to pay bills. Wamt to get another home for me and this child one day, but cant find a job. My unemployment is running out then I will be homeless forreal, AGAIN. The so-called friends will come and take me to the store if I sell them foodstamps, I cant I need them to feed my child, and wont sell them, so they wont come by, call me and say they relly need to buy food stamps cause it will really help them, ok. Call me a few times to say I am in your neighborhood, knowing I have no car and have to walk to school roundtrip 12 miles and even walk to pick up my child from school, roundtrip 5 miles, when daddy cant get our child. Cant wash dishes 1/2 the time cause I cant afford dishwashing liquid. This child sits here with me, isolated from the world also when the child is with me. So I understnad when my child wants to go with daddy, there are people there, the room is full of stuff, I dont get mad, there is no way a child can sit here and talk and do nothing all day with mommy, so its not my child's fault. Cant get a job to save for a car so I cant take this child anywhere or anything. Daddy is buying all the clothes and shoes and everything I did for my child, did it before but now that the relatives and ex are in the home he doenst give me the money anymore, he does it, does the shopping with the child so the relatives all know now I do nothing and he does everything, they didnt see the 10 years of him never taking this child anywhere, not even to the store. The child would ask when we were together to go with daddy, he would say no, now he takes the child everywhere now that they are watching.
Isolated from the world here, praying for a year, no contact with anyone, cant even get to church anymore. Write my original job and ask for my job back, apply 5 times, finally they wont rehire me. No prospects of a job, unemployment running out, child doesnt want to come here, no phone calls from the outside world, no visitors, just isolated in life, getting ready to be homeless again, no prospects for jobs. All this becaue I changed jobs and listend to my so called friends, who are now smiling and telling everyone how good the Lord is doing for them. I pray and ask for a miracle that they will give me my job back, been doing this for a year, everyone tells me that GOD will do things when he is ready, I just want my job back, cant live like this daily. I dont care about starting at the bottom and working my way up again, pray daily for my job. Everyone says take anything, thats fine but no one will hire me. I was good at my job. Pray daily that the Lord will touch their hearts, work a miracle and give me my job back, I can even deal with having nothing, living in isolation and trying to get back everything I lost. You guys sit and tell me that there is something better in store for me from the Lord. Nothing happens, I turn away from the bible, you guys bring me back to sit in exile and isolation again, cant pay back all the money I owe from borrowing for rent and no one has money to help me next month, cant get to an agency to help me, have to wait til I have an eviction notice here and then they are 10 miles away, am I supposed to walk 10 miles there. Everyone, including daddy is doing fine, making it, having no problems, smiling, happy with their lives and dont have time to even speak to say hello or call to say hello. I cant afford to buy anything for myself, not even a pair of panties or even a plant to make this apartment feel good to me, me and my child are sharing a 1 bedroom, my child has nevr lived like this with me. I ask the Lord for a miracle and pray that they will call me to work, it doenst happen. I know the Lord does work miracles but this isnt happening for me. So now in jeopordy of being homeless again, cant pay the bills, unemployment going off, suffering. I know the Lord will deal with those who wrong me, its his vengence not mine, I dont do anything or say anything against them. The family who lives out of town dont speak anymore because they are tired of me calling to borrow money and dont even call anyway. I ask to come home with my child because I am evicted, they tell me its ok to sleep in the car with my child, just find a safe place to do it. Im not asking for a handout, I have never lived like this. No car anymore and nothing left. Everyone says to pray, Ive done that so much, I am still praying, but I am praying for the Lord to save my soul now that I am leaving this word. Cant see my child grown up, I know this child and my other ones need me, but I cant live like this in isolation and going thru this around my children. All this because I took advice and changed jobs. I know if they would have rehired me I would be just fine, even if they call me today and do it, but they are not calling. Dont say look for other jobs or take anything. McDonalds wont even call me ok. So Ive looked. I just wanted my job and sorry I made the mistake of leaving it because of what I was going thru.
So just pray for my soul. I know this letter is long but I just wanted to tell my story ok. I understnd we must go thru these trials. I am a female, I cant sleep on the streets from being put out, I have no car to sleep in this time. Do I see myself living like this the rest of my life, no I refuse to. Everyone says daddy had this planned to move the ex and the relatives in, less than 2 wks after he asked me to move and played songs that it was over, everyone moves in. I just want to ask for forgiveness from the Lord for listening to people. I had asked the Lord to bless me with a job to get me out of that home, the ex can have the home, the Lord blessed me, then I listened to others and threw that blessing away. I pray for a miracle and ask the Lord the same thing as I did before, for a miracle. I know the Lord can work miracles and bless me with my job back. I know the Lord can touch their hearts and they will ask me to come back. Ive seen this miracle. When the ex got abusive, and the Lord wanted me out of the house, he worked a miracle for me and I got a job offer, the job I should have stayed. It happened so quick. The ex got abusive and didnt come home 1/2 the time and the Lord let this job pop up out of nowhere, it wasnt even in the catagory of the jobs I do, I just searched the internet and found it. Thats why I know he can work miracles. Thats why I know he can touch their hearts and let them call me and offer me a job again evwn though they said they wont rehire me. I know this can happen. I know he can work miracles. My friends their are praying for me to get back to work there, they want me back there. I know that he can work this miracle, he knows this is the kind or work I love to do, I was just dealing with the breakup and all when I worked there before. I know that he got me out of that situation and blessed me with a job. It all happened so quick and it was like a miracle. I threw that away when I listendd to others. I know he can touch their hearts and change things around for me to where they will offer me employment again. I know all this can happen and I got that miracle before. I know the Lord can do this.
Problem is now, nothing is chaning, and honestly I cant live like this. I thank you for reading this long letter. I just wanted my whole story to be told. I Love you Jesus and Please forgive me for taking my life. I dont want to live like this anymore. This is not living. This is so bad and hurts so much.
I am tired of writing here and begging and asking for you guys to pray for my job back and you pray that I will get another one, better, that is not the issue, I loved my location, perfect hours and perfect pay. The location where my job was at was perfect, I cant deal with traffic and dont want to travel another way, Im sorry I jsut dont, beautiful location I had. I just wanted this one miracle. All this, my life lost becsuse I listened to others that I thought were my friends. Please ask the Lord to forgive me for taking my life, I just cant live like this anymore. So youve read my story. Sorry it was so long, at least you know why I did it. I just cant live like this anymore. I am tired of waking up with no where to go, nothing to do, isolated and living like a recluse. Thank you Jesus for getting me the job, I am so sorry I listened to others, please forgive me and please have mercy on my soul and please spare my soul. Thank you Jesus for eveything. I give you the glory. Jesus if you love me please work this miracle for me before I leave this earth. Please let me just have this one thing back. I dont intend to ask for anything else. You worked a miracle for me before. Please work this miracle this time. The enemy wants me and he will succeed. You saved me from the enemy before by giving me my employment. Please save me again. Jesus please show me a miracle so I dont let the enemy talk me into leaving this earth. I dont know what will happen but I dont want him to have my soul. I dont want him to win. I ask for a miracle in the name of Jesus. I bow down to you Lord. I give you the glory Lord. I praise you Lord. I know I was wrong. I want to see my child grow up, get my child a home in the future, and want my child to have a mom. Jesus I know I was wrong but can change my life. I know that. I know I was happy. I know you can work miracles and touch their hearts. I listen to you and you only Jesus. You showed me how people can be and showed me that I could live for you. You gave me my employment. You showed me that miracle that morning I was sitting at the computer and feeling abused and was being done wrong. Jesus you showed me the miracle. Jesus please save me from this fate. I know I beg and beg for this job but I am so sorry and Jesus I do believe in you and know you can perform this miracle, nomatter what anyone else says or does here, I know you can do it. Jesus I am not listening to these people on this site. I am listening to you and you only. I can hear them but I wont, You are the only one I want to hear from. I know they mean well and try to convince me. I give myself totally to you and live and follow you only, I knwo they are right but what I have been doing is reading their words, Jesus I will read your words. I wrote this long letter so they could pray for me. Jesus I am listening to you and you only. You showed me a miracle that day, please before I leave this world and take my life please show me a miracle. Jesus I am in your debt. I know with man nothings possible but with you all things are possible. Jesus this is asking for a miracle, I am asking in your holy name. Jesus I want you to take my soul when I go, please do not let the enemy have me. Please work a miracle in my life.
SITE - I wont be back here, I have to listen to the Lord and not you, no offense, you are man, he is GOD. God and the father are one, and the holy spirit are all one. I have been listening to you guys, I have to listen to him and him only, something I should have done. Hopefully the Lord will show me this miracle before I leave this earth. I cant depend on your words, its his sign, not you. Goodbye world, Thank you Jesus.
