Anonymous
Beloved of All
I have no meaning in life or to live I am sorry God for tho I know that you will not forgive me of my sins and for wanting to commit the most unforgivable sin in the Bible, k1ll1ng myself, forgive me my Lord for cutting the most precious body you have gave me, forgive me Father that I have not cherished the food you given us and developed an ED, Father forgive the men who had SA me when I where younger it isn’t there fault but mine, forgive me for only having negative thoughts and every time someone says something meaningful like “I care for you” and the only thing that’s pops up in my mind is ( what a liar ) and the words out of my mouth say thank you with a gentle smile but deep down I know nobody truly cares for me and is only a lie and an act for these people to try and make me feel better. I’ve been having these thoughts for a very long time since I was little and yes everybody thinks about this, “what is the meaning of life” these thoughts have been stuck to me for a very long period of time and now this is all I can think about this feeling has been getting stronger.. I have no meaning of life, I am not suppose to be living here my time is coming really fast but I don’t know how to ask for help I have giving up. I have gon to many therapy’s and inpatient treatments and nothing has helped me. But you are only 16 yes I may only be 16 but life is not for me, I can’t see my future it may or may not be normal but I don’t know what I will do later in so what called “life”, life is not ment for me I suck at everything everybody will always tell me how I am a failure how my mother dose not deserve to have a child like me and forgive me mother for being the daughter u weren’t suppose to have for I will be gone soon and will no be dealing with me any longer. Life will be peaceful, quiet, and beautiful without me once I am gone and for that you are welcome. My time has come. I will be dying soon enough I am sorry Father, where ever I end up after “life” is where I was truly ment to be for that is if I end up in hell or for I end up in heaven or continue another life.