Neil Murphy
Disciple of Prayer
I feel real embarassed to say this to a bunch of folk I've never met before or conversed with but desperate time call for desperate messures.
Without all the gory and intimate details I'm begining to realise that I have a self harm issue which doesn't manefest too often but when it does it terrifies me. I've been on the brink of sucide and the only reason why I am still here other than divine protection is the innability to climb and tree and dangle from a bit rope.
This self harm is birthed out of panic and fustration because my welfare has been continiously disrupted for a variety of reasons and I have a hunch that there is foul play on the behalf on the welfare system in the UK it is torcher and when I try to explain why I didn't make a required appointment or jump through a hoop they demand me to jump through nothing I say seem to be taken into consideration and I've been enduring this for months where my financial life has no stability or consistency. It not about having money it more about being secure and the ability to contribute towards my household with bills, food and such the like because I live with my mother. So there have been out burst of me punching walls till my knuckles bleed and it not being violent andas fustrated and degraded as i feel sometimes walking away from the welfare advisors I wouldn't want to see them harmed and I do this lashing out on inatimate objects to relieve the fistration and anxiety and confusion I am experiancing.
That being said I have also been back slidden for the last two years and got involved with a psychic group and the leader there was a dominant, over powering, manipulative and sly woman (not to cuss her out but lets just call it as it is, she think she a spiritual person with the ability to trance and speak to those on the other side, give psychic healing and lack the integrety and character to go along with it but rather uses them abilities to suduce the people around her to carry out her will and shame people. Its a vile thing to witness a ghostly reminder of Jezebel in the Elija acounts (Which I think is in Chronicals or Kings). One day I called her out on it and all hell broke lose and my social life was shattered (and i consider that a blessing although I am still gravely concerned about the folk under her spell and they a good people with lovely hearts and a benevolent view of life. fabulous people, just can't see what the leader is doing and I thank god right here and now for the gift of disernment and being able to see whats going on).
So I have the social crumbling and welfare problems happen back to back more or less and my life feels like hell - I feel like I have no control, my security lies in the hands of other people who I have never met before in my life, the advisors of the local welfare centers are more adversaries and hostile and unpleasent to deal with (appart from one or two who actually care about the clients and give sound practicle advice when most the time I basically being told to curl up into a ball and die and frankly sometimes I wish i could. There are nights i don't wanna wake up in the morning)
I wasn't aware i had a self harm issue untill yesterday when i broke down in the middle of the welfare center in the local town and after leaving there I sat outside the block of appartments I live in and punched myself in the head and face several times as a way of releasing all the emotional garbaged built up inside of me. I just feel screwed completely.
On the flip side
1) Have renounced and repented from psychic and new age activities and burned all my cards and stones and what couldn't be burned like chrystal balls and stones I through in the garbage shoot after gigng my life to christ about three weeks ago. L
Any prayers you guys could offer would be a real blessing.
Without all the gory and intimate details I'm begining to realise that I have a self harm issue which doesn't manefest too often but when it does it terrifies me. I've been on the brink of sucide and the only reason why I am still here other than divine protection is the innability to climb and tree and dangle from a bit rope.
This self harm is birthed out of panic and fustration because my welfare has been continiously disrupted for a variety of reasons and I have a hunch that there is foul play on the behalf on the welfare system in the UK it is torcher and when I try to explain why I didn't make a required appointment or jump through a hoop they demand me to jump through nothing I say seem to be taken into consideration and I've been enduring this for months where my financial life has no stability or consistency. It not about having money it more about being secure and the ability to contribute towards my household with bills, food and such the like because I live with my mother. So there have been out burst of me punching walls till my knuckles bleed and it not being violent andas fustrated and degraded as i feel sometimes walking away from the welfare advisors I wouldn't want to see them harmed and I do this lashing out on inatimate objects to relieve the fistration and anxiety and confusion I am experiancing.
That being said I have also been back slidden for the last two years and got involved with a psychic group and the leader there was a dominant, over powering, manipulative and sly woman (not to cuss her out but lets just call it as it is, she think she a spiritual person with the ability to trance and speak to those on the other side, give psychic healing and lack the integrety and character to go along with it but rather uses them abilities to suduce the people around her to carry out her will and shame people. Its a vile thing to witness a ghostly reminder of Jezebel in the Elija acounts (Which I think is in Chronicals or Kings). One day I called her out on it and all hell broke lose and my social life was shattered (and i consider that a blessing although I am still gravely concerned about the folk under her spell and they a good people with lovely hearts and a benevolent view of life. fabulous people, just can't see what the leader is doing and I thank god right here and now for the gift of disernment and being able to see whats going on).
So I have the social crumbling and welfare problems happen back to back more or less and my life feels like hell - I feel like I have no control, my security lies in the hands of other people who I have never met before in my life, the advisors of the local welfare centers are more adversaries and hostile and unpleasent to deal with (appart from one or two who actually care about the clients and give sound practicle advice when most the time I basically being told to curl up into a ball and die and frankly sometimes I wish i could. There are nights i don't wanna wake up in the morning)
I wasn't aware i had a self harm issue untill yesterday when i broke down in the middle of the welfare center in the local town and after leaving there I sat outside the block of appartments I live in and punched myself in the head and face several times as a way of releasing all the emotional garbaged built up inside of me. I just feel screwed completely.
On the flip side
1) Have renounced and repented from psychic and new age activities and burned all my cards and stones and what couldn't be burned like chrystal balls and stones I through in the garbage shoot after gigng my life to christ about three weeks ago. L
Any prayers you guys could offer would be a real blessing.
Hello Lodseth, we're lifting up your urgent need for a financial blessing. Remember, God cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Let's agree in prayer for His provision for you, just as He provides for the birds of the air (Matthew 6:26). Trust in His timing and goodness. We stand with you in Jesus' name! 
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