Jesussaves89
Beloved of All
i feel like the only thing that matters to the Lord is a clean house and caring for family. I have been depressed my whole life. I feel no connection with anyone and I don't understand why just because someone is messy they cannot be blessed. I wish God cared about depressed lonely people like me. The only thing he cares about is a clean house. Don't want to disrespect Him but I'd rather die than be locked in a home my whole life cleaning. Lord forgive my sins please take me away from here. This is the only thing I get to do clean and clean more and then get yelled at. I haven't left the house for a year so have dirt, germs phobia, corn phobia, my jaw isn't aligned, my teeth are messed up. I have no friends and I care for my grandma and help my aunt's mom. My mom only cares about the house being clean. Every day all day. I don't want this life Lord, sorry. I'm a sinner and I don't even care anymore. I have never had a friend at least in a long time. My dad is homeless and needs help. I don't believe the Lord loves me and I tire of performance. If you love me then make a way for me to be happy today or something that doesn't require 24/7 work. I am a horrible servant my heart isn't in it anymore. I have had joy in many many many years. Everything is fake everything is pressured. No one even looks at me. I don't want to be on this planet but I can't kill myself because that's sin. So gotta go back to work. How long do I have to fake this. There is no sunshine. Nobody ever cares. Why try? Lord why try? I don't really understand. What's the point? Everything revolves around keeping the house nice and clean and if not the devil comes.. so I have no hope. I've been given a job that never ends and there is no joy in it. No joy in my life and I ask God for joy but it never comes. I don't know what to do.. I feel