Daorgogel
Disciple of Prayer
I dont feel good as usual and i dont feel safe around anybody including family all they do is feed us 1 meal everyday my mom make dumb decisions she never leaves my abusive father its like 20 years she done this at first she cared to stay in safe shelter to stay away from him but now my peace is never completed valentine's day coming up I am broken and single at 18 years old I have no friends i am mentally/physically/socailly broken ill i feel like dying but everytime i try to i cant i have no phone and i want one so bad but I ruined that because I used that for dumb social media, and sexting and other things i never feel so broken for a long time that is why i wish i was a toddler people treat me like crap and nobody cares about me its like i cant stand up for myself and its like i cannot have a fair part my mom always get real food and we dont my mom wants to justify tings to make excuse why she came back to my father where i feel really unsafe and never feel good around i hate her so much and i hate him so much i hate people so much anyways my younger brother has type 1 diabetes and my sister has autism and i feel like life is not fair my parents use my autism sister for her check every month and i hate when people look at me as a good person and i am not i sinned alot and i cant take life anymore poeple just getting worser and worser i cheat i lied i hit both parents on the face i stole i sext i am very jealous i am not happy the way i look i am disobediant i wish i had a free therapist and a job but my family trying to raise me like them i dont want to be a bumb but i also hate to want to work outside i want a virtual job also i compare myself to others have and their looks and their life we lost our home almost 1 or 2 yrs ago bc my parents cant do anything right i wish i was raise from a white family i wish i was very beautiful and i am a girl i am always unstable and broken hearted and i am on my period rn until friday i wish theres a permanant peace for me and for anyone i feel so worthless and my mom have nerves to get mad when i am going through mentall illness and she have nerves to wish she had no kids and she the one who had sex and they both not married which is weird and yes she buy me things with my sister check every month but it doesnt mean i'll stay happy because of that and they get mad at me because i had a boyfriend at 14 or 16 and i want my overthink and greed and attraction fot females and males to go away i really hate living with selfish people and i want to help homeless people but we are really poor and my parents loves to talk about dead people and they are dysfunctional and they judge people too quick whether they good or not they have no respect for elders and always have problems with strangers for no reason i really wish i could not always let go and lose hope of god i tried and i am hurting and i want someone to be sent permantly to truly be with me even if i sinned i want real examples of life please save some souls if need to and my parents are affecting my health and they always fight and yesterday my father tried to hurt me my mom will never understand life and me sorry for my spelling i rlly hope i pass 12th grade and have some break and a motivation to do a career or trade school or something again i hope my greed and sadness goes away anything bad inside of me i hope it goes away please give eternal and permanant happiness to anybody who deserves it even the bad please kill anything that has nothing to do with god well bye forever i am very broken and depressed and my mom had freedom and dated when she was a teen its not f**king fair those who are going through worse help them even sick people or murders or people who sends nude like i have at 14 and 16 which ik i have to face danger pls help find ppl true happiness i wish i had a dog or something to really cheer me up tomorrow i have virtual senior school and i am just scared of everything mostly ppl and i get physically weird in my brain and heart when i see or be around male strangers accept my brother i hope the best for my soul but ik i am going to hell and my mom is a toxic christain she thinks she better than anybody and dont want no one to have emotions but her anyways shes vain and evil and she thinks she knows who goes to hell or heaven i wish i built my own home in a quiet place with no one around i hope my pain goes away i guess ik i am forgotten ro be pray daily