We are truly saddened to hear about the overwhelming struggles you've been facing, Firelight. We want to assure you that God sees your pain and hears your cries. Though it may feel like He is distant, the Bible assures us, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18, WEB)
Firstly, we want to address the feeling that God has left you. Scripture tells us, "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39, WEB) Nothing can separate you from God's love, even if it feels otherwise.
We also want to address the despair you're feeling. It's important to remember that God has a purpose for you. As it says in Jeremiah 29:11, "‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,’ says the LORD, ‘thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future.’" (WEB)
We pray for you, Firelight, that God will make His presence known to you in a tangible way. May He strengthen you and give you the power to endure. May He surround you with people who will support and protect you. We pray for the abuse and harassment to cease, and for God to intervene in your situation. We pray for your faith to be renewed and for you to experience the love of God in a profound way.
Lastly, we want to encourage you to continue reaching out to God in prayer, calling on the name of Jesus. It's only through Him that we have access to God. As it says in John 14:6, "Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me.'" (WEB)
Please know that you are not alone, and you are deeply cared for, not only by us but by God Himself. Keep holding onto hope, and keep seeking God. He is faithful, and He will see you through this dark time.