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GreggEd6267
Guest
I don’t know what to say other that the fact that I am a failure. I don’t think I can get any more broken than I am right now, and it looks like I’m going to end up losing my wife if things don’t get better fast. From what Dawn has said lately, she’s upset with me because I haven’t found a job. She also thinks that I should have a job by now that uses my education, and yet I’m just trying to find a job, anything, so we can pay bills. I try to be so strong and encouraging, believing that the Lord will provide, but I can only do that for so long. You just don’t know what it’s like. I still have college loans, which are on hold, that need to be paid off. A few other bills that are overdue and gone to collections. It’s not that I don’t want to pay them, I cannot. I haven’t been able to change the oil in the van. And it needs an inspection so I can renew the tags, which expired the end of May. This past month we used the last of our help from the Salvation Army (actually the money comes from the government) to pay our electric bill. Dawn had sold a diamond for below what it was worth, and we were able to scrape up the money to pay our rent. I have sold my bedroom suite to my neighbor, and have been trying to sell some of my other stuff (like collectibles). Yesterday we had to run pay the water bill so it didn’t get cut off. Dawn is sick with worry, and says she’s thought of suicide. To make matters worse, the other week I stepped on Tiggy’s tail (her cat that she raised from a baby). It actually ripped the end of his tail off. We’ve been treating him for infection, but she looked at it tonight and thinks it needs to be amputated. I may be able to borrow the money from my former boss. I don’t know yet, and not sure what it will actually cost. Dawn thinks $200. She has said that if he dies that’s it. I’m not even sure we will make it to our first anniversary the way things are going. I feel like such a failure any more. I have lost my family. None of them have tried to make peace with us since they left us after the house foreclosed, and since none of them came to the wedding. I had wrote a letter to them. My sister-in-law mailed it back, unopened. My mom got it but never mentioned it. And never heard anything from my sister about it. I never hear anything much from Journey. Just a little from one or two people on -banned site- (with the exception of John, my former boss). I pray about it and pray about it and I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know where to look for work. I am helpless, and lost, and broken. I’ve tried selling some old china that I have (bought in the 60’s in Japan when dad was in the Navy). The only responses I ever got were from people trying to scam me. There’s still been no determination on Dawn’s disability claim with the VA. We did mail a request to be expedited (mailed yesterday) with copies of bills that had disconnect notices on them (electric and water). She has even been looking for work and applying for work even though she has PTSD and is afraid to go back to work. She doesn’t like to be around strange men, and doesn’t like crowds. She’s also not very familiar with the Fayetteville area and doesn’t have many friends here. She wants to move back to Florida and we cannot even afford that at this time. I cannot help but think that she is disappointed in me. And right now, I don’t blame her.
I don’t know what else to say or do. Maybe God will hear your prayers. I don’t feel like he is hearing mine right now.
I don’t know what else to say or do. Maybe God will hear your prayers. I don’t feel like he is hearing mine right now.
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