Anonymous
Beloved of All
I don’t know what to do. I cannot take this burden anymore. I have tried reading the Bible, attending support groups, counseling, getting legal help, going into prayer and asking to be free. I have tried going about my life and not focusing on this. But they keep themselves at the forefront of my life no matter what I do. But my abusers still torment me. If anything it gets worse. For the past year and a half they’ve turned to lawsuits to force their way into my life. I get evil messages daily. I haven’t been able to sleep in a year and a half. They’ve really managed to take everything from me. God you have me so much in this time but I can’t use any of it, because this family destroys everything that comes to me. They scare away others. They take away my ability to work with constant legal harassment and court proceedings. They take away my peace with constant threats to hurt me. They manipulate my own child. They make me feel so isolated because no one around me understands or believes what is happening. Lord, I don’t want revenge or anything. I literally just want peace and freedom to raise my child without constant abuse and degradation and fear and harassment. I just want to be free of the pain, the constant torture they lob at me. Please give me freedom. I have been begging for over a year and it just keeps getting worse, even though other things in my life have gotten better. Please, I don’t understand why I can’t have freedom from these evil people. It’s my only true desire in this world. To just be a loving parent and work hard and be a good member of my community. Why was I given a trial that does not end? This abusive man and his mother have been tormenting me for 13 years and I just cannot take it anymore. I really can’t take it. I’ve exhausted every resource I had in this world, and every one emotionally and mentally. I don’t want to leave this world thinking it was all for nothing. That my purpose in this life was to be used and tormented and that was it. Please, I kept holding out hope that my purpose was to survive and transform, and help others in their trials. To be a testimony for God’s goodwill. But I can’t even survive my own trial anymore. I don’t want to lose all hope but I really have. I hoped for so long, it feels painful now. Foolish. There’s nothing left of me and I don’t want that to be the end of my story. Please Lord. I promise I really can’t do this anymore. I promise I will do everything I can to be a light in this world if you can free me from this humiliation and misery and pain. I will give up anything I need to to be safe with my child and free. Please.