I Can't Stop Thinking About Her

[Hungry4love357]

I mentioned about a week ago about a crush I had on a girl in my class named Rebecca. I literally cannot stop thinking about her.  I am really attracted to her physically.  Everything about her physical make-up is attractive to me, her eyes, her hair in it's various styles, her beautiful smile, her body which I won't talk about, and the thing is, she does not dress provocatively, she is just really really just cute, and adorable, and Her beauty is just in my eyes unmatched, and no, I'm not making that up, I have never, ever been more attracted to a girl in my entire life.  She always comes dressed in these dresses, and boots that just suit her, and she has these glasses, that just make her super cute.  She is like a anime girl from a manga, but real.  My heart just turns to jello when she's around.  I want to do things for her, and why is not clear to me.  I know this all sounds shallow, but I can't help it. I keep thinking about her, and I even plan on bringing an umbrella to school tomorrow so if it rains I can walk her to her next class and help keep her dry and comfortable, I take every opportunity to hold the door for her, and compliment her somehow every day, or at least try to. 

But back to reality, while I want to win her heart, I don't know if I can.  She is very flirty, and talks to every guy who's brave enough to approach her, and that's where I get intimidated.  I don't like competition, because I cannot, out talk, or outwit any extroverted male, especially when he has confidence that's unforced.  I cannot, and will not compete with it.  But I guess this is where most other guys would write me off as not being assertive enough, and maybe they are right, but if you kept getting your date stolen by guys that know how to advertise better than you, you would understand why I like that.  Girls aren't exactly lining up to go with someone as shy as me.  As a matter of fact, I think most women see that as weakness.  And to be perfectly honest, I don't blame them, i mean after all, who wants to be with a guy who can't out do the cool guy, funny, confident guy, right?  Most girls I am attracted to are no insecure enough themselves to give me a chance anyway.  I can't even put on a good enough show to "fake it until I make it" as they say.  I don't care how good I feel when I start.  Plus other guys always tell me I can't do it.  I was told I would never, ever get a girl to go out with me by someone I at one time considered a close friend.  And other guys since have basically told me the same thing, and I at one point was determine to prove everyone of those jerks wrong, but after multiple attempts, I finally just accepted the cold fact that, they were right all along, I just don't have the drive to keep trying to pursue a girl after another guy steals my show.  It's almost like they instinctively know I, have interest in someone and all of a sudden they all hone in on the one I choose to try and get to notice me, and before long I am just another face in the room.  I'm a wall flower by nature, and I just can't get the hang of holding a meaningful conversation long enough to begin a simple friendship with a girl.  I hate it.  It frustrates me when I lose my thunder to another guy so easily and I usually just give up because they usually can't gain my ground back once I lose it.  It's like I just get pushed to the side, and I mistake it often for the girl no longer has any interest or acknowledgement of my presence at that point, and It has just become automatic that I just let the other guy or guys take their prize, after all they deserve it i guess.  (I don't mean to objectify women with that last statement, and I want to clarify that I do NOT view women as a prize to be won, it's just an analogy.) 

I wish I understood exactly what happens in my head to make me feel like they don't want anything to do with me if another guy starts dominating the conversation.  If only had the social skills to dominate the conversation myself, I would feel a lot better, but, I digress.  I understand I need confidence, but As I have said before, and I have my psychologist back me up on this, confidence in my abilities to ask a girl on a date won't come without some kind of success.  I can charge myself up on positive self talk all day long, but when all that encouraging self talk gets smacked down by the cold reality that comes with an unsuccessful attempt to ask a girl out, or rejection in general, that sends me downwards fast.  Why do I take it so personally?  I have no idea.  

I know I'm holding myself back as well, but don't ask me why.  I just don't know.  My easy way out is to play it on the Asperger's syndrome, but I have been trying to pretend that's not even there.  But no matter ho much I choose to ignore that, it still there and I know it's a critical factor in all of this.  I can't stand it.  It has driven me crazy.  I just can't get it right.  I just wish God would make a girl come to me, and hit it off with me, instead of me having to try and guess what I should say or do to get a girl to like me.  Why do I have to work at that, why can't the girl just like me for me.  Why do I have to put on this big show and be something I'm not just to get noticed.  I know I'm a freaking weirdo okay. I think I'm okay with that, but it's the fact that girls don't seem to be okay with that that makes me want to make a good first impression.  I guess I'm just not interesting enough to anyone. 

I just don't get it.  I question why I try to get a girlfriend in the first place.  Why do I desire to be with a women when the vast majority of the ones I meet don't like me.  I sometimes wonder if I cried and showed how much they hurt me when they do reject me if they would feel bad and give me a proper chance.  I could only show them how much it hurts my feelings when they say no, maybe then they would care .  But if I did that I would just get made fun of.  Why can't I do it.  Why do i always fail at what other guys seem to just get.  I hate it.  I can't stand it.  It's just eating me up inside.  And I'm tired of asking God for her because she has not come.  I,m crying right now.  I just don't know what to do, I don't know how to respond, or how to handle this.  It hurts so much, and it just never stops.  There is just no escape from this prison, from this curse.  Why can't I do it?  I have wanted a girlfriend since the fifth grade.  I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and nothing has happened.  I've tried dating sites, none of my friends will get me a blind date because there as shy as me.  My own mother could not get me a date.  I'm sick of it.  Why is God allowing this to happen to me?  Why won't he do something?  Where is He?  Where is she?  Why does this keep happening to me?  I just want this trial, this storm to be over.  I guess my little problem just is not worth it.  I mean after all how dare I be upset about this when there are starving people in the world, people who have virtually nothing. 

I'm sorry, I'm just so, I don't even if there's a word for it.  I don't what to call this.  Just this flood of emotions.  It's like I know God's the only way I will ever meet that special girl, and waiting on Him to answer it and consistently feeling lonely, it's just messing with me.  It's getting to me.  If she were were, my future bride, If i could just cuddle up next to her and just hug her tightly I would feel a lot better.  I just want this storm to pass.  I feel like I've been push beyond my limits.  God just bring me peace. Let my spirit rest.  Please bring her into my life.  Please end this storm.  Please Father.  Please don't put me through this anymore. Please just end this God.
 

 

 

[comrade]

I prayed for this. In Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Isabelle11]

I prayed for this. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Dear hungry4love357, once again you wrote a well-phrased prayer request, and the first words tell everything - you are "really attracted physically" to a girl that you describe as very seducing, and "flirting"... May I suggest that such kind of girls are pleasant to watch, pleasant to have fun with, but actually rarely ready to be the serious spiritual understanding girlfriend of some clever sensitive young man. 

Please believe me when I tell you that there are serious girls / women who will actually love with all their heart "a guy who can't out do the cool guy, funny, confident guy" if they have the opportunity to know this guy and to become their friend. But maybe the serious spiritual girls look like "wallpaper", they will be interested in more serious things than make-up, hairstyles and pretty clothes, and then will not be so much "physically attracting", but rather "spiritually attracting" 

 

[Saraha]

I prayed for this. In Jesus Name. Amen

 

[Hungry4love357]

I prayed for this. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Dear hungry4love357, once again you wrote a well-phrased prayer request, and the first words tell everything - you are "really attracted physically" to a girl that you describe as very seducing, and "flirting"... May I suggest that such kind of girls are pleasant to watch, pleasant to have fun with, but actually rarely ready to be the serious spiritual understanding girlfriend of some clever sensitive young man. 

Please believe me when I tell you that there are serious girls / women who will actually love with all their heart "a guy who can't out do the cool guy, funny, confident guy" if they have the opportunity to know this guy and to become their friend. But maybe the serious spiritual girls look like "wallpaper", they will be interested in more serious things than make-up, hairstyles and pretty clothes, and then will not be so much "physically attracting", but rather "spiritually attracting" 

I understand your point.  But I don't know exactly why I just seem to be gravitated towards certain girls.  To be honest with you it's not always the "nines" and "tens" that get my attention.  Sometimes it's just the bubbly personality, even if she looks like "wallpaper" as you put it.  I would not exactly rate Rebecca a "Ten" either.  It's hard for me to explain this without sounding shallow, and trust me I am not trying to be, or offend anyone.  But to me there is a difference between cute, and drop dead gorgeous, and to me, drop dead gorgeous while it may be attractive to some guys, my taste is more in like I said before the personality, and if she has the appealing figure as well that's great, but I find girls that wear glasses and look kinda geeky, more attractive than the "nines" and "tens".  But as you pointed out spiritual attraction should trump that.  But this girl just fit that nerdy look I like, and I don't know why, for me its an attractive look.  Yes she has a few curves as well, but As you pointed out it does not matter.  To me that part, as attractive as it is, is not really all that important either.  I would do the same for someone who did not look like that if I liked her i was attracted to her personality, and/or spirituality.  In a nutshell, I like girls, not just pretty girls, I like girls, as in all of them, physically attractive or not.