Do you own a Bible? if you do not, I suggest an easy to read Bible, like ESV or NKJV or even BSB.
God does not ask us to be perfect, he asks us to come to Him, and to follow Him. In fact, He says He did not come to call the righteous but the sinners unto repentance... so we are all sinners and we ALL need Jesus.
You say that you do not care about death, but your words are not well thought out. When you die, you will stand before God and be judged, and we all go to our eternal place, Heaven or Hell. We know that Jesus says there is a Hell and we know He says there is a heaven... both of which are true.
The thing about following Jesus, is that when we truly believe in Jesus and we are truly born again of The Holy Spirit of God, He begins to work in us and work on us (spiritually speaking), so then something in you changes, you don't WANT to be PERFECT, you only want to do what God's will is... and what He asks of us..
it is easy when we set aside our feelings... but it is hard when we become overwhelmed.
Alas, you do not want to stand before God, I tell you the truth because I have seen Him with my own spiritual man. I believe I died and went to Hell, (though the Lord has not let me remember). I then cried out to Jesus and stood before Him in Heaven... do you know what hurt me the most? It wasn't that God was evil... or hated me...
it hurt me so much, that I KNEW that Jesus loved me so much, that He suffered on the cross for me, (the same way he did for you), it was that He was so gentle, so kind, so loving, clothed in majesty, gentleness, and Jesus is Holy... He is in a completely different category. I KNEW that I was standing before Him, I KNEW that He was real, I KNEW that Heaven was real... when you die, you will become aware of everything... everything... and you just know that Jesus is true. But He is so kind...
His love, feels like Home... '
here on earth, we feel a natural heaviness in our bodies, I believe it's sin weighing us down... but in Heaven, you do not feel that.... you feel happiness (in it's full capacity), joy (in it's full capacity), (love in it's full capacity) think of the best moment you have ever had in this life and multiply it by 1,000,000 that is what it feels like to be IN THE PRESENCE OF JESUS. I tell you, He really does love us so much... even when we are sinners, hate God are evil... His love surpasses all understanding and He begins to refine us and change us. We cannot do it alone, we NEED The Holy Spirit to help us.. and everyday we are in a war and everyday it is a battle! But God will help us.
He knows what we need, He knows what will help us, and He knows what we suffer through, he will help us overcome... and believe me, I know it's hard. But trust in God, and lean not on your own understanding. This life is not even a comparison to eternity...
7 seconds felt like 7 months in heaven... there is NO TIME in Heaven... but on Earth, it feels like forever we are suffering... but we have Jesus... so it is different for us. Who do we have on this earth but jesus? and who do we have in Heaven??? but Jesus...
I pray Jesus helps you. God Bless.