Inked Soul
Disciple of Prayer
Hi, I'm super new to this community and my story is a crazy one to say the least. For the past 10 years I've worked as a 1st responder for one of the busiest 911 systems in the country and I've had the pleasure of blessing and helping others that are in dire need of assistance. I've encountered so many bizarre & stressful 911 calls during the course of my career from people being hit by trains to people being shot and stabbed. I'm used to being that one to help others in need but I just came to the realization that I'm now in dire need of spiritual and emotional help. The past 7 months of my life have been insane to say the least...I've had 4 close co-workers pass way from bizarre circumstances (1 from a drug OD , 1 from a heart attack while on vacation, 1 from 9/11 related colon cancer and 1 from a tragic bike accident). I spoke to each one prior to their deaths and I was unable to attend my close friends funeral who passed from the motorcycle accident due to the fact tat the city I work for was understaffed that day and they forced me to work a shift. I recently moved 1900 miles away to a new state after finding out that my father was diagnosed with M.S to be closer to him and I got involved in a traumatic car accident the first week I moved here...I was supposed to be off that day and I remember everything about that day up until I exited the highway and got t boned by a drunk driver. I sustained multiple injuries (a minor brain bleed, fractured ribs, and permanent scars all over my body) and I've also been diagnosed with a seizure disorder as well as a result (I've had 6 seizures science the accident and every time I have an episode I don't remember vast chunks of time). I got disqualified from my new 911 job here because of my accident and I feel so empty and alone and depressed inside. I've never felt like this before and I totally understand why some people feel the need to commit suicide...I don't feel like harming myself and I feel so emotionally drained and sad inside...I feel like a burden to my parents because I'm currently unemployed and running back and forth to the hospital due to my medical condition and I feel frustrated with myself because I'm not used to being the one in need of help. I sent a week in the hospital after the accident and I'm currently going through talk therapy and physical therapy as well. I feel guilty about not attending my friends funeral and I feel guilty about surviving my car accident. I pray to God and talk to him constantly and I feel extremely upset with myself and the fact that I no longer enjoy my life. I miss being able to help others, I miss being able to enjoy playing my guitar and reading, and I miss being able to travel and explore the world. I feel as though I don't have any friends here in this new city and I feel very self conscious about my body scars as well. Please pray for me while I go through this dark chapter in my life... I feel as though I have a black cloud around me and that life is "punishing" me. Everyday is a struggle and I also have a hard time sleeping during the night as well. Plz pray for me and thank you all <3