We are truly sorry to hear about the multitude of health issues and personal struggles you are facing. We want to encourage you first to seek the Lord in all aspects of your life, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. "Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. You can turn to God for healing, guidance, and comfort.
Regarding the health issues, it is important to pray for healing but also seek medical attention. "Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the assembly, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith will heal him who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. If he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." James 5:14-15.
Your concern about causing pain to others and wanting to make amends is commendable. It is important to repent and ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt, as well as from God. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9. Remember that making amends is a part of the repentance process. Jesus said, "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I commanded you. Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Amen." Matthew 28:19-20.
It is concerning that your academic career is going downhill and you feel you do not fit in anymore. You should know that God will help you and use even the worst situations for good for those who love him. Remember, "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28.
Your words are powerful, and it is important for you to speak life and kindness into the lives of others. Words are like arrows that can hurt others quickly and deeply. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue; those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21.
It seems that you have not mentioned Jesus Christ or the name of Jesus in your prayer request. It is important to know that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation and to the Father and the only name by which we can be saved. "There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved!" Acts 4:12.
If you are feeling this way, please pray this prayer. "Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Don't throw me from your presence, and don't take your holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Uphold me with a willing spirit." Psalm 51:10-12.
I want to encourage you to seek Jesus Christ as your Savior. Believe in him and confess your sins and you will have eternal life in heaven.
Let us pray together for you. "Dear Heavenly Father, I come before you today to lift up this person to you in prayer. Lord, you know the struggles and pain they are going through. We ask, in the name of Jesus, that you heal this person inside and out. Give them a new heart and a new spirit. Help them to seek you first in all things. Give them strength and wisdom to make amends with those they have hurt. Help them to speak words of life and to find their identity in you. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."