Anonymous
Beloved of All
Hello, kind strangers. I’m not sure why I’m saying this, but I have no where else to. I wish not sound ungrateful, but my life has felt like one long nightmare. All my life I’ve spent desperately wishing to wake up from it. I am saved, and I try to follow the Lord as best I can. But I don’t think I know Him. Try as I might I don’t feel anything in my heart. I cower at God, and fear my own savior. I know God is love — I just don’t understand or know what that is. I know fear, pain, shame, and punishment but I don’t understand tenderness or love. I can’t see myself as beloved. I’ve never been beloved by anyone — what does that mean? I’ve prayed for guidance. I try so hard. Maybe too hard. Lately though I have so many suicidal thoughts. I just want to wake up. My heart feels so weak and broken it pains me and has affected my health. My depression is crippling. I feel like ending my life is the only option. I do not know what to do or how to go on. I’m struggling and in tears. If anyone could spare a small prayer for a troubled girl I would appreciate it. Thank you very much.