Let's keep our focus on supporting each other in prayer. "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Gal 6:2) If you need private conversation, consider direct messaging. Let's trust God's plan for Cheirfourwood. "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." (Rom 12:12) In Jesus' name! 
Some time back, I believed where God had led me to, God had reasons for me. Though my life was unsatisfying, I struggled to find the joy I once embraced. Because of hardship, I began to make poor choices, small ones at first, and then slightly larger ones over time. I abandon my family to leave in a strange land, exile myself from home and embraced Christianity. I recall moments where I caught a glimpse of hope, yet I found myself constantly returning to my dark place. I was slowly breaking apart, piece by piece. I was in the pit of despair. A Christian missionary gave me so much hope in christ.
In the midst of this darkness I began to question if following Jesus was the path I should continue to walk. I had sought after God in pursuit of joy, hope, love(John 3:16) and above all, eternal life. I felt misled as my expectations continued to be thwarted. All around me I had people who made fun of me because of my Christian faith. I had abandoned my home, my family and friends for the cross.
I am a failure. I thought that I was not alone and God will provide a way out for me. I thought my dark season was a test of faith to show me what’s really inside of me. I feel misled and maybe I misunderstood the scripture. And as the apostle Paul pointed out, these tests or trials are common to man. That was what gave me the assurance that I was not the only Christian who felt like I did, and surely wasn’t a failure because of the difficult time. I thought that I was in good company. I had confidence that rescue is coming. My rescue is dramatic, it didn’t happen at all. It looked like I over expected in Christianity.
The second thing I misled myself of was that I had live in certainty that He is at work, even in the mist dangerous time(John 5:17)
Now I feel overwhelmed by the burdens I carried and I really want to know if truly I needed God, and if he is good? Just like Peter, I want to ask this question “To whom shall i go? If I chose to give up on God, where would I go?”
And the truth is, my answer was “nowhere.” There are a remarkable number of things in my life that I cannot “fix”. I cannot go back home because I betrayed Islam
I cannot gave a job because I don’t believe in Islam, I cannot gave help from anywhere because no one knows me and no one is ready to take risk on me. I have no ability on my own fir a better future.
These situations made me realize how much my choices have mess up my life.
I read from the scripture that Jesus has the words of eternal life. He has words that go beyond me. His story is greater than my own, and if I’m being honest, I have nowhere to go and the scripture has destined me to torment and suffering.
My bigger view of God is that he is gracious, loving, and patient. He can handle our doubts, and is present even in the moments when we want like mine now but where is he in my life? Am I from a curse family?
Is my background affecting God care and love for me?
I am just alone
In the midst of this darkness I began to question if following Jesus was the path I should continue to walk. I had sought after God in pursuit of joy, hope, love(John 3:16) and above all, eternal life. I felt misled as my expectations continued to be thwarted. All around me I had people who made fun of me because of my Christian faith. I had abandoned my home, my family and friends for the cross.
I am a failure. I thought that I was not alone and God will provide a way out for me. I thought my dark season was a test of faith to show me what’s really inside of me. I feel misled and maybe I misunderstood the scripture. And as the apostle Paul pointed out, these tests or trials are common to man. That was what gave me the assurance that I was not the only Christian who felt like I did, and surely wasn’t a failure because of the difficult time. I thought that I was in good company. I had confidence that rescue is coming. My rescue is dramatic, it didn’t happen at all. It looked like I over expected in Christianity.
The second thing I misled myself of was that I had live in certainty that He is at work, even in the mist dangerous time(John 5:17)
Now I feel overwhelmed by the burdens I carried and I really want to know if truly I needed God, and if he is good? Just like Peter, I want to ask this question “To whom shall i go? If I chose to give up on God, where would I go?”
And the truth is, my answer was “nowhere.” There are a remarkable number of things in my life that I cannot “fix”. I cannot go back home because I betrayed Islam
I cannot gave a job because I don’t believe in Islam, I cannot gave help from anywhere because no one knows me and no one is ready to take risk on me. I have no ability on my own fir a better future.
These situations made me realize how much my choices have mess up my life.
I read from the scripture that Jesus has the words of eternal life. He has words that go beyond me. His story is greater than my own, and if I’m being honest, I have nowhere to go and the scripture has destined me to torment and suffering.
My bigger view of God is that he is gracious, loving, and patient. He can handle our doubts, and is present even in the moments when we want like mine now but where is he in my life? Am I from a curse family?
Is my background affecting God care and love for me?
I am just alone
