Dymond
Disciple of Prayer
I am 28 yrs old and I have 4 kids with 4 different men. I had my first child at 16, she was planned by myself and her dad because we both at the time were teenagers with no support, guidance, or family. He was abusive and eventually went to jail for a long period of time in which I was able to gradually get over him. I lived in shelters from 16-18 years old with my daughter. Started having kids again around 20 yrs old and now I have 4. All with no father. No male role models, no uncles to look up to or anything. And it hurts. I’m embarrassed and I feel so much guilt. But the truth is I only wanted a family. I want happiness. I’ve never experienced either one still to this day. Now I have kids with only a mom and I know that having no father affects them especially my son. I pray for my son. He’s only 7 but he has so much anger in him. I feel lonely and overwhelmed. It is a lot dating a woman with 4 kids I understand that and I don’t date because I know most men don’t want a woman with 4 kids and no dads around. But I hope one day I will find somebody just right for us that can bring a little sunshine to our lives we just need someone. I have a full time job, I am in school finishing my ged, and I have a stable home for my kids. It is still very hard and lonely. I ask for prayers over the relationships I have with my kids that we become closer because all of the emotions I have and the feeling of guilt and regret is drowning me. It makes it hard to focus and I feel like I’m giving up but I’m fighting it so hard . I’m trying to do it all. I can’t keep up with myself .I am drained my mother doesn’t help, I have no other family. It is only me and I’m doing everything I can. I also pray for the relationships my kids have as siblings. Please bring them closer and open their hearts to each other and love each other . I want them to love each other. I feel like I am messing up their lives I can’t do all of this on my own. It’s so much I don’t know what to fix or work on first. I don’t know where to start. I’m spiraling!!!
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