EAndersen
Prayer Warrior
If you've read my previous prayers you'd know that I recently was broken up with by my girlfriend of two years. It's a complicated story but God led me to her without me knowing that I would truly love her, and he caused me to grow from a child into a man because of her. On the night of my friends wedding I knew she was the one, that what we had was special and I came to her telling her that I never loved her more. She left me that night.
It has been two arduous months; I still love her more than ever, and I still have the feeling in my gut that she will return to me. I've grown so much that I don't recognize who I was two months ago. I've endured, I've grown closer to God and I've become a better person. I've made it through losing the love of my life, having the cat I've had since I was a child die, the dog that I've had since a child die, I've watched my grandma leave who was my only support in God, I've had all of my four brothers get sent off to Afghanistan, my mom is nearly bankrupt, and I was nearly dropped from college due to complicated events. God pulled me through. New Years morning, the only car, our only way to work, lit on fire. We have 100 dollars in the bank.
Everything caught up with me right then. I fell to my knees, started crying, my limbs went numb and I felt pins and needles in my body. My arms locked to my chest and I was paralyzed. My friends had to drag me into their car, when I got in, they couldn't move any of my fingers, my hands were contorted and locked. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe. The emotions and distress of everything hit me all at once, and I was so tired of everything going wrong when I was only growing as a person. My breathing became rapid, my pulse shot up, and my panic attack led me into a seizure. I cried non stop for ten minutes, completely paralyzed, until finally I just gave up. I stopped breathing.
I drowned when I was thirteen, and was dead for thirty minutes. It felt like eternity, I saw the life I failed at, and the life I could have lived, the wife I could have had. When God brought me back I could do anything I set my mind to, I had no health problems when before I was allergic to everything in sight. I miraculously changed from being sick every week to never being sick.
My friends brought me back, and for the rest of the day I felt numb, I didn't know where I was, and I couldn't stop tears from running down my cheeks. I slept for 24 hours.
Since I've woken up I've been having regular panic attacks whenever I think of Sara. I have been praying for her to return, but now I pray that she is led back to me, but if she isn't the one, then I'll understand and that God brings me someone even better. I really miss her, I feel she is the one, and I pray that she snaps out of this "experiencing new things" phase and has a revelation just like I had on the day of my friends wedding. I'm scared and I feel no hope for anything because if I am disappointed, I could die. I have enough trouble keeping calm just from the memories of her that haunt me everywhere I look.
First I ask to be forgiven of all my sins God... I repent...
Lord, in the past few days you've finally brought me a job, you've given me a potential place to move out to, and you've let me see that I have many good friends who are a part of my family. I know that I am blessed and that you've been there through my entire life, I pray that I can act in accordance to your word, and be a light in the world with the many gifts you've given me. God I ask in the name of Jesus Christ that you bring Sara back to me, that she misses me more than I miss her, and thinks of me more than I think of her. Look in my heart and you know this love is pure, and that for some reason I feel that she is the one, no matter how unbelievable that is. Through you God, anything is possible. But if it is your will I'll move on, just bring me someone new, and I'll continue to follow you forward down the path set out for me. Amen.
It has been two arduous months; I still love her more than ever, and I still have the feeling in my gut that she will return to me. I've grown so much that I don't recognize who I was two months ago. I've endured, I've grown closer to God and I've become a better person. I've made it through losing the love of my life, having the cat I've had since I was a child die, the dog that I've had since a child die, I've watched my grandma leave who was my only support in God, I've had all of my four brothers get sent off to Afghanistan, my mom is nearly bankrupt, and I was nearly dropped from college due to complicated events. God pulled me through. New Years morning, the only car, our only way to work, lit on fire. We have 100 dollars in the bank.
Everything caught up with me right then. I fell to my knees, started crying, my limbs went numb and I felt pins and needles in my body. My arms locked to my chest and I was paralyzed. My friends had to drag me into their car, when I got in, they couldn't move any of my fingers, my hands were contorted and locked. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe. The emotions and distress of everything hit me all at once, and I was so tired of everything going wrong when I was only growing as a person. My breathing became rapid, my pulse shot up, and my panic attack led me into a seizure. I cried non stop for ten minutes, completely paralyzed, until finally I just gave up. I stopped breathing.
I drowned when I was thirteen, and was dead for thirty minutes. It felt like eternity, I saw the life I failed at, and the life I could have lived, the wife I could have had. When God brought me back I could do anything I set my mind to, I had no health problems when before I was allergic to everything in sight. I miraculously changed from being sick every week to never being sick.
My friends brought me back, and for the rest of the day I felt numb, I didn't know where I was, and I couldn't stop tears from running down my cheeks. I slept for 24 hours.
Since I've woken up I've been having regular panic attacks whenever I think of Sara. I have been praying for her to return, but now I pray that she is led back to me, but if she isn't the one, then I'll understand and that God brings me someone even better. I really miss her, I feel she is the one, and I pray that she snaps out of this "experiencing new things" phase and has a revelation just like I had on the day of my friends wedding. I'm scared and I feel no hope for anything because if I am disappointed, I could die. I have enough trouble keeping calm just from the memories of her that haunt me everywhere I look.
First I ask to be forgiven of all my sins God... I repent...
Lord, in the past few days you've finally brought me a job, you've given me a potential place to move out to, and you've let me see that I have many good friends who are a part of my family. I know that I am blessed and that you've been there through my entire life, I pray that I can act in accordance to your word, and be a light in the world with the many gifts you've given me. God I ask in the name of Jesus Christ that you bring Sara back to me, that she misses me more than I miss her, and thinks of me more than I think of her. Look in my heart and you know this love is pure, and that for some reason I feel that she is the one, no matter how unbelievable that is. Through you God, anything is possible. But if it is your will I'll move on, just bring me someone new, and I'll continue to follow you forward down the path set out for me. Amen.
