Thachrae
Disciple of Prayer
I actually came from a background of strict culture. I haven't been married and me and my fiance are juggling on when i can be married together. My mom has prayed a prayer hot line to pray me and him seperated and so we finally did. After the 800 times my mom have tried,she suceed to manage to make sure i am not with anyone. And said "I go back and forth". Im the youngest in the family and was told my grandpa hit my grandma along those years. my mom was in an abusive marriage with my dad, and everyone believes my fiance beats me but really, he's a sweet man. He just needs a little help from God. I have been praying for him every single day. And also for myself because with both have severe PTSD. I love him so much, but I know that many people don't want us to be happy...and I seen my family do it to each other. My grandma controls all her kids, their marriage all turn upside down whether they move or not or whether they don't talk to my grandma, the curses were already in agreement generationally. Each of kids (my grandma's kids, including my mom) controlled all their kids and even it kind of took them awhile to move on and find a family, even then i can tell how hard it was for them to be married. From what I see, my cousin takes care of my unemployed uncle who doesn't pay rent but he pays his rent, they are very codependent and force him to marry someone they want instead of whom my cousin wants or stay single forever. My mom got divorced with my stepdad, because once again, my mom always involved my grandma in everything and whether she is or not, my grandma makes sure my mom is also miserable. It's funny and i am kind of laughing, because this is not the word says in the bible, but my mom goes to church and read the bible, still does her culture of gossiping about me to her family, like always, my name is the one who gets spread out. My mom is jealous of my relationship of me and my daughter that is 7 years old. I communicate with her and i don't yell, and my mom tries very hard to sabotage us. The only way to run is to make sure I get married and make family happy than God, I honestly don't want that. I need to be happy and healthy but everything seems so fake and temporary, everything seems to be missing when I don't include God in it. So yes here I am in California, with my mom and having her control me. My fiancee used to be abusive and after he took classes for treatment he has gotten better, but it feels like our life got worst, my mom has prayed constantly to make sure we don't get married and marry a charming guy who has a degree and who is not black and who is white and also doesn't "come from the streets". I want to have faith someday he will come to marry me and show my mom's family that she is all lies, compulsive liar. He has not put his hands on me in our new place we just opened, we have been in covenant with Christ, and wanting to pursue premarital counseling. To my family's eyes people don't change, but I do belieev that God will change us in this situation. Or else if I keep looking for a man, it will never satifsy my mom, The bad part is, spritually i cannot escape the curses my mom has done on me even calling the Christian hotline. Before my mom knew where i was living at, my daughter and I and my fiance weren't at the best situation but we were also happy to be honest with you. When we got the apartment, I was ready to look for a wedding dress, he kneel down and proposed to me on December 2020, and i am just so happy. After telling my mom this, she made up all kinds of things saying my daughter was sexual abused and she was hurt, finally my daughter open up to me and said nothing happened she was just scared to make everyone mad and want attention. she said shes tired of eevryone not talking, my mom even lied to my daughter why shes not talking to my brother. And i corrected the situation and told my daughter the truth. I just don't like how my mom can manipulate my daughter to force her to talk then use it agaisnt me later. My mom has kicked me out so much, I don't want my daughter to be influenced this way. The reason why I am handling this too long because I have severe panic disorder and my mom also use it for advantage and now everyone else is too. If God wants me and my fiance to be back together and be married, that will be great. But I want to be protected by Jesus. I hear the Lord and so does my fiance, and the Lord also told my fiance to marry me but we are both struggling from both of our families who doesn't want us to be married. I love my apartment and my place, so does my daughter but every time my mom knows what is going on, I am back in the same cycle, he's out of work, because this was part of her prayers so she can gossip more about me. Im getting frustrated and i feel like giving up...they are comparing their life to mine and put the jealousy on me and my daughter. Please pray for me and especially my fiancee. I want to marry him and it won't be an easy road. But i am tired of leaving my fiancee for my mom just because she left her husband for her mom. I have spent more than 20 years to be my mom's slave, I failed school and my sister is the center of attention when icould have graduated college four years ago and once again, because of my mom's jealousy ( my mom, my sister, and grandma all attack me in 2015 family arguments how i made everyone angry and its my fault) i was in college and once that all happen i owe so much money to college and i failed school. The Lord told me to finish college. Now, as an ambassador of Jesus, i didn't take my revenge back..but they see how loving I am to them and i even help my sister, my grandma and my mom. but i now they remember those days. Sorry this is long, I want to make sure the Lord work on me and my fiance while i am getting my degree and really work as a career. I pray no one attacks me and includes my moms prayer to not pray bad things over my finances, my career going to college and get degree, and my future. I want to marry him. But family and everything else needs work. Thank you
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