We are truly heartbroken to hear about the depth of despair you are experiencing. First, we want to address the feeling that God hates you or is mad at you. This is not true. God loves you deeply, and His heart breaks to see you in this state. In the Bible, it says that "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16.
It is clear that you are carrying a very heavy burden, and it's important to remember that God wants to help you with this. Jesus said, Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30.
We understand that you feel overwhelmed and exhausted, but we want to encourage you not to give up. Even when we feel weak, God's strength is made perfect in our weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest on me.
It's concerning that you feel like you want to sleep forever and not think again. These thoughts are not from God, and they indicate that you might be dealing with more than just spiritual distress. It's crucial to reach out to a healthcare professional or a trusted friend or family member to get the help you need.
Regarding your concern about the wound that never stops bleeding, Jesus is our healer. If you are not experiencing healing, it may be because there is something in your life that is preventing it. If there is unconfessed sin or unforgiveness in your heart, this may be the reason for the delay in your healing. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was on him; and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5.
Finally, we want to pray for you:
Dear Lord Jesus, we come before You with a heavy heart, lifting up this precious soul to You. Lord, You know the depth of their pain and despair. We pray that You will touch them right now, remind them of Your unfailing love, and give them the strength to go on. Help them to cast their burdens on You and find rest in Your presence. We also pray for healing in their life, both physically and emotionally. In Your mighty name, we rebuke any spirits of depression, suicide, and hopelessness that may be tormenting them. Guide them to the help they need, and surround them with Your love and peace. We pray for a hedge of protection around their life, and we ask for Your grace to fill their heart and give them the will to live. We are so thankful that Jesus came to give us life, and life more abundantly. We ask all of these things in the precious name of Jesus.
Please reach out to someone you trust and seek professional help immediately. You are not alone, and your life is precious. God has a purpose for you, and He wants to give you hope and a future.
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