Malimrold
Disciple of Prayer
I don’t know how I ended up here, but I just feel the need to pour my thoughts out for prayer. I don't really have anyone to talk to at the moment. I've been married for less than a year, and my husband suffers from chronic pain, which I knew when we were dating. But living together, as much as I have compassion for him and try to ease the pain when it flares up, sometimes I just feel so tired and numb. I wish he wasn't sick so we could travel. I wish he wasn’t sick so he could work. Right now, I’m the one working, and the insurance has been covering him. Because of his illness, he spends most of the day lying down, taking medication, and occasionally getting up for the bathroom — and that’s it. It's hard to watch, and it's exhausting. I wanted us to build a life together, but maybe that was just my own selfish hope. I trust that God has a plan in all this, and we do have good days. But tonight, I’m just feeling completely worn out. I can't help but feel like he’s being lazy, even though he says it's the medication making him drowsy and weak. I still think he could do small things around the house, but I just don’t know anymore. Tonight, I asked him to stay at his parents’ house since he was already there for dinner, and now I feel awful. I feel like the worst person. I just wish I could disappear. I don't even know what to pray for anymore.