Ethoreg
Disciple of Prayer
Hi, I'm hurting. Struggling. Suffering & having thoughts of giving up. My partner is having sexual fantasies about my Cousin and possibly other woman & it's hurting me. He says it bcos of the things I say & he doesnt always feel loved by me. I jave sinned & started treating him bad as payback for how he made me feel which isnt good at all on my behalf however Im lost. Suffer wid insecurities, anxiety & feeling ugly. Our relationshipisnt the same & dont know if it can ever be. I also dont trust my Cousin so this gives me major anxiety. When I take action to leave he mentions suicide & it worries me so I stay. Were currently in hospital bcos he drunk himself into alcohol poisoning & it's just been a really difficult time. I do love him & wish he neva had those thoughts but I know I can't change it - just struggling to accept it. Am very triggered by any mention of my Cousin and certain things around our home, remind him of her & he'll go & sit in the space where she was. It's really uncomfortable & my mind can't stop thinking of the thoughts he's had (&still possibly having) I feel it's karma 4 some not so pleasant things that I've done to him and others. But I just want to be pure again. I want to live a normal,happy, peaceful, true and healed life. Being my best self but so many obstacles. Death seems like the only way out of this one. I just need so much love, light, prayers, acceptance, forgiveness, understanding. Mental strength & clarity. Strength while fighting thru my triggers & inner demons. Please pray for me and my partner. Please help me/us to be authentic and stay kind. Please continue to humble us and give us the courage to take accountability for our wrongs and the courage to make our rights, wrong. Help us to tidy ourselves and our lives up. Help us to fight addiction, thru trauma, grief and pain. And just help us to heal ourselves and our relationship Lord,if that's what you have planned for us. And help us to be the best beings that we can be. Guide us to our higher self please Lord.