Hilthul
Disciple of Prayer
Hi, I prayed and cried to God continuously without a response. I am scared of God's journey for me, as most of my life was torment and suffering... and a life like this is not worth living. I am in agony and torment now, I want so badly to be in Heaven with God and feel no more suffering and I am tearing apart because I am becoming a mom, and I should be stronger than the torment. I've been severely abused, raped, taken away from the love and joy, and peace I had previously...and I am in torment of all the evil I suffered continuously. I am sick and broken and I am supposed to be a mommy and have freedom from my abusers at last, but I feel no freedom. Every day I feel trapped by my abusers, I feel scared to go out, I feel I need to protect my baby and I am terrified I can't even protect myself. Where is all the strength I had before, God? And why when I need the most to be brave, I am so tormented, God? I really hope for protection and help, God as if the suffering continues, I simply want to come to Heaven and it's horrible not to be able to be a mommy finally. I endured a life of pain, suffering, and sacrifices and I simply can't anymore... please don't let us be harmed anymore. I beg you to protect us... I wish I wouldn't think about suicide daily because of what they did to me, but I do and it kills me because my baby feels it too... so please heal us, God, protect us forever, stop the misery and suffering for us... or take me to Heaven. I can't endure this agony...