Hilthul
Disciple of Prayer
Hi, I prayed and cried to God continuously without a response. I am scared of God's journey for me, as most of my life was torment and suffering... and a life like this is not worth living. I am in agony and torment now, I want so badly to be in Heaven with God and feel no more suffering and I am tearing apart because I am becoming a mom, and I should be stronger than the torment. I've been severely abused, raped, taken away from the love and joy, and peace I had previously...and I am in torment of all the evil I suffered continuously. I am sick and broken and I am supposed to be a mommy and have freedom from my abusers at last, but I feel no freedom. Every day I feel trapped by my abusers, I feel scared to go out, I feel I need to protect my baby and I am terrified I can't even protect myself. Where is all the strength I had before, God? And why when I need the most to be brave, I am so tormented, God? I really hope for protection and help, God as if the suffering continues, I simply want to come to Heaven and it's horrible not to be able to be a mommy finally. I endured a life of pain, suffering, and sacrifices and I simply can't anymore... please don't let us be harmed anymore. I beg you to protect us... i wish i wouldn't think about suicide daily because of what they did to me, but i Do and it kills me because my baby feels it too... so please heal us, God, protect us forever, stop the misery and suffering for us... or kill me and take me to Heaven. I can t endure this agony...