T
tornin2
Guest
Hello,
I am having to make a difficult decision, and I need guidance on what to do. I have a cousin who is about 6 months older than me. Growing up, we were extremely close, I could probably say he was one of my best friends. When we became young adults, he became a bit of a loner, but would still come around on holidays and things would pick up where they left off. About 11 years ago, he stopped coming around. His girlfriends parents did not like him, and told some untruths to my grandparents and parents, such as that he was hiding drugs in my grandparents basement. 4 years ago when my grandfather passed away, I searched for my cousin's contact information online, and found a phone number for him. I spoke to him briefly, but then made the mistake of telling my uncle (his dad) that I found him, and before I knew it, he was MIA again. On November 1, my beloved grandmother passed away. I was able to find my cousin's girlfriend online, and I shared the news with her. She informed me that my cousin was in jail, for taking the rap for one of their mutual friends who had drugs in the home. While this may sound wierd to most people, I can believe it, because he was always taking the rap for things when we were younger so that my sister and I would not get into trouble. Anyway, he got out of jail about a week later, and finally, this past weekend, he texted me and asked me to call him if I was free. I called him, and we spent the next 2 hours on the phone. About half of the conversation was reminiscing about funny times, how he always used to make me laugh. The other half, however, was filled with things that he had never told me before, things about his childhood that I never knew. For instance, he told me that his mom used to beat him and torture him, even once setting a heater at the foot of his bed with a cord wrapped around it so he couldn't move it, which almost led to his bed catching on fire. He also told me that his dad and his friends used to give him drugs when he was little, and told him the drugs would make him smarter. I'm not sure why he would make this stuff up, and it certainly would explain a lot about the way he turned out as an adult. He was basically made a scapegoat by all adult figures in his life. However, there were a few times during the conversation that a little red-flag went up in my head, something just didn't sound right. But he has always kind of been like that, stretching the truth sometimes. Well, now, his girlfriend wants me to come visit them, which is about 45 minutes away. I have missed my cousin immensely for 11 years, and am very hopeful at the possibility of reuniting with him. However, my husband is extremely weary about it, and it is causing problems for us. My husband feels that I am being naive in thinking that my cousin is the same person that I used to know, especially since being in jail, and isolating himself from the family for so long. He thinks that if anything, he should come along with me for the first visit, to make sure everything goes ok. I would be ok with that, except I don't want to do anything to scare off my cousin, now that I finally have a chance of having him back in my life. I know he has issues, but I also know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. When I told my husband this, he responded that if my cousin has a problem with him coming along with me to visit, that should be a red flag right there. Am I being too naive? I haven't told any other family members yet, simply because everyone is always so negative about everything. I guess I just really want my cousin back in my life again, and I don't want anything to mess that up. But now im second guessing myself, thinking what if my emotions are getting in the way of my judgment? I am so torn, and I don't know what to do. On one hand, I can't help but think that maybe this is my Grammy's last gift to me, to reunite me with my cousin who I was once so close with. But on the other hand, am I getting myself caught up in something that is over my head? Any guidance and prayers would be appreciated.
I am having to make a difficult decision, and I need guidance on what to do. I have a cousin who is about 6 months older than me. Growing up, we were extremely close, I could probably say he was one of my best friends. When we became young adults, he became a bit of a loner, but would still come around on holidays and things would pick up where they left off. About 11 years ago, he stopped coming around. His girlfriends parents did not like him, and told some untruths to my grandparents and parents, such as that he was hiding drugs in my grandparents basement. 4 years ago when my grandfather passed away, I searched for my cousin's contact information online, and found a phone number for him. I spoke to him briefly, but then made the mistake of telling my uncle (his dad) that I found him, and before I knew it, he was MIA again. On November 1, my beloved grandmother passed away. I was able to find my cousin's girlfriend online, and I shared the news with her. She informed me that my cousin was in jail, for taking the rap for one of their mutual friends who had drugs in the home. While this may sound wierd to most people, I can believe it, because he was always taking the rap for things when we were younger so that my sister and I would not get into trouble. Anyway, he got out of jail about a week later, and finally, this past weekend, he texted me and asked me to call him if I was free. I called him, and we spent the next 2 hours on the phone. About half of the conversation was reminiscing about funny times, how he always used to make me laugh. The other half, however, was filled with things that he had never told me before, things about his childhood that I never knew. For instance, he told me that his mom used to beat him and torture him, even once setting a heater at the foot of his bed with a cord wrapped around it so he couldn't move it, which almost led to his bed catching on fire. He also told me that his dad and his friends used to give him drugs when he was little, and told him the drugs would make him smarter. I'm not sure why he would make this stuff up, and it certainly would explain a lot about the way he turned out as an adult. He was basically made a scapegoat by all adult figures in his life. However, there were a few times during the conversation that a little red-flag went up in my head, something just didn't sound right. But he has always kind of been like that, stretching the truth sometimes. Well, now, his girlfriend wants me to come visit them, which is about 45 minutes away. I have missed my cousin immensely for 11 years, and am very hopeful at the possibility of reuniting with him. However, my husband is extremely weary about it, and it is causing problems for us. My husband feels that I am being naive in thinking that my cousin is the same person that I used to know, especially since being in jail, and isolating himself from the family for so long. He thinks that if anything, he should come along with me for the first visit, to make sure everything goes ok. I would be ok with that, except I don't want to do anything to scare off my cousin, now that I finally have a chance of having him back in my life. I know he has issues, but I also know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. When I told my husband this, he responded that if my cousin has a problem with him coming along with me to visit, that should be a red flag right there. Am I being too naive? I haven't told any other family members yet, simply because everyone is always so negative about everything. I guess I just really want my cousin back in my life again, and I don't want anything to mess that up. But now im second guessing myself, thinking what if my emotions are getting in the way of my judgment? I am so torn, and I don't know what to do. On one hand, I can't help but think that maybe this is my Grammy's last gift to me, to reunite me with my cousin who I was once so close with. But on the other hand, am I getting myself caught up in something that is over my head? Any guidance and prayers would be appreciated.
