Liz2018
Prayer Partner
Hello,
I am a Christian woman and have been married for almost 8 years to my husband. I would say on a scale of 1-10 I would rate my marriage about a 7 but recently it has been a 6.I feel like the financial responsibilities are mainly on my shoulders when biblically speaking it should be the other way around. The first 4 years of our marriage, I was the one paying the rent and the utilities when he did not even bother to offer to pitch in and just helped with his cell phone bill and groceries. He moved into my house and didn’t have to buy furniture because I already had furniture and have been living on my own for quite some time prior to us getting married. He only started helping out with splitting the bills when I yelled at him about it. Even when we bought a house a year ago the down payment was largely because my parents gave me some money from selling their house.
I have a BA degree in music and want to pursue that dream full-time and I feel he is not totally on boardwith my dream. I sing professionally part-time and work a full-time day job 9-5PM on the weekdays. I tried to explain to him that even if I juggle a few gigs (teaching voice lessons, singing professionally, and even having a part time office job, we can make it work if I get rid of my day job) he is still not on board. He doesn’t understand that a job is a job regardless of the “office” I work at. He thinks that when I do my singing gigs, that it’s all playtime for me, and we constantly argue when I am gone on the weekends singing. He doesn’t seem to complain when I get my gig money and he benefits from it.
He complains that I am gone at my full-time job too and that I don’t cook as much and the house is not as clean (I work 7 days a week). He doesn’t cook much either and doesn’t bother to clean unless I yell at him. I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too, and although he does work hard at his job and is pretty successful at it, I feel he is so comfortable that he would not want to bother to go for promotions or any other financial opportunity because he relies too much on my income. I don’t even want to have a child with him because I feel that while pregnant and afterwards he would expect me to work full-time and it would be even harder for me while raising a kid.
At this point I feel that I am not even really physically attracted to him and although I know I am wrong to harbor resentments, I do resent him for the fact that the financial burdens are mainly on me and that he is not supportive of my dream to be a full-time musician. I even started having feelings for another man and I was honest enough to share this with him yet he doesn’t seem to take this seriously. I love my husband, he is a nice man, but I feel we are more “friends” than partners and a lot of times I feel like I am more of his mother.
Isn’t the Christian married man supposed to provide for the family and be the primary bread winner?
Isn’t it his responsibility to lighten his wife’s load? I was a singer before we even started dating and I am not going to stop just because we are married. I will compromise but he has too as well.
Ms. Frustrated
I am a Christian woman and have been married for almost 8 years to my husband. I would say on a scale of 1-10 I would rate my marriage about a 7 but recently it has been a 6.I feel like the financial responsibilities are mainly on my shoulders when biblically speaking it should be the other way around. The first 4 years of our marriage, I was the one paying the rent and the utilities when he did not even bother to offer to pitch in and just helped with his cell phone bill and groceries. He moved into my house and didn’t have to buy furniture because I already had furniture and have been living on my own for quite some time prior to us getting married. He only started helping out with splitting the bills when I yelled at him about it. Even when we bought a house a year ago the down payment was largely because my parents gave me some money from selling their house.
I have a BA degree in music and want to pursue that dream full-time and I feel he is not totally on boardwith my dream. I sing professionally part-time and work a full-time day job 9-5PM on the weekdays. I tried to explain to him that even if I juggle a few gigs (teaching voice lessons, singing professionally, and even having a part time office job, we can make it work if I get rid of my day job) he is still not on board. He doesn’t understand that a job is a job regardless of the “office” I work at. He thinks that when I do my singing gigs, that it’s all playtime for me, and we constantly argue when I am gone on the weekends singing. He doesn’t seem to complain when I get my gig money and he benefits from it.
He complains that I am gone at my full-time job too and that I don’t cook as much and the house is not as clean (I work 7 days a week). He doesn’t cook much either and doesn’t bother to clean unless I yell at him. I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too, and although he does work hard at his job and is pretty successful at it, I feel he is so comfortable that he would not want to bother to go for promotions or any other financial opportunity because he relies too much on my income. I don’t even want to have a child with him because I feel that while pregnant and afterwards he would expect me to work full-time and it would be even harder for me while raising a kid.
At this point I feel that I am not even really physically attracted to him and although I know I am wrong to harbor resentments, I do resent him for the fact that the financial burdens are mainly on me and that he is not supportive of my dream to be a full-time musician. I even started having feelings for another man and I was honest enough to share this with him yet he doesn’t seem to take this seriously. I love my husband, he is a nice man, but I feel we are more “friends” than partners and a lot of times I feel like I am more of his mother.
Isn’t the Christian married man supposed to provide for the family and be the primary bread winner?
Isn’t it his responsibility to lighten his wife’s load? I was a singer before we even started dating and I am not going to stop just because we are married. I will compromise but he has too as well.
Ms. Frustrated
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