Othaireurron
Prayer Warrior
I pray for great health I pray for a new home I pray for my body to heal and be normal again I pray to heal from flat feet I pray to heal from the tear inside of my back I pray for my teeth to grow back I pray for clear skin I pray for my stomach to go down and for me to lose weight I pray to heal from schizophrenia diagnosed with the illness for a While now I just pray for better I don’t seem or feel bad or paranoid my skin itches when I see shadows on the wall I used to talk to myself a lot and I would be afraid of people I wasn’t fixing myself up or taking care of my health like I should my teeth started falling out I wasn’t brushing it everyday I pray for healing I pray to heal from walking around at my aunts house a lot I would walk around the house a lot I wasn’t myself I felt bored I used to lock myself inside of the room the entire day and wanted to come out I did I used to watch tv and sit down at the table it wasn’t that bad my aunts bf don’t like I heard him say to her that he didn’t want me eating his food I went to the hospital maybe they were worried and concerned about me he would ask me if I was ok I didn’t speak to him when I saw him I felt sick and felt as if he was judging me I also felt as if I messed my life up by visiting the hospital and telling them I wanted to stay inside of a mental hospital it was awful I hated it I slept inside of the hospital and would argue with patients inside of the hospital and one female had gotten smart with me and told the nurse get your girl I was laying down and felt as if she was reaching over my head trying to get hand sanitizer and I heard the squirting noise come out I didn’t like her or that hospital maybe I over exaggerated a lil but I felt awful I wasn’t myself I would be upset if people would stare at me I would be mad if my brother would watch me I had deep rooted trauma and things that just didn’t sit right with me I want to be forgiven for how I was behaving I want to be healed from schizophrenia I don’t want this sickness to be apart of me anymore it’s weighing me down and changing how I look I want to look like myself again pretty and happy I want to start taking better care of myself and not being scared or afraid of folks I was talking to anybody when I used to catch the bus to Passaic and Hackensack I barely had money and would get into with bus drivers it was bad I hated myself and how people would treat me one of the bus drivers parked the bus not straight she parked the bus towards the side so that I wouldn’t get on I knew something was off about her when I first saw her she almost ran me over with the bus I pray to heal from that trauma I barely had any money to catch the bus and would travel everywhere all the time I was far in Paramus one day I went to hospital in ridge field and I didn’t know the buses weren’t running so it was late and the train came in the morning so I was waiting me and another man was waiting he allowed me to use his phone to call the guy I’m dating and he was looking for me and he said he was driving around for almost three hours he cares for me he told me not to be walking around like the way I was and told me to take care of myself he wants me to take care of myself badly I told him I worked but I don’t work so that’s the reason why I can’t go get my feet and nails done every two weeks I can’t keep myself up because I don’t have any money I don’t get my hair done because I have strange things happening to my head my mind doesn’t seem normal something happened to my subconscious mind things are difficult to do I struggle everyday with life and doing simple tasks I feel afraid to shower and take baths I felt as if the nerves inside of my body were not the same some things I don’t even feel it feels weak like I could slightly feel it my feet feels numb I had a muscle spasm inside of my feet and I move my big toe around a lot I barely relax it and put it down I wore sneakers that wore tight around my nerves in my feet years ago maybe a couple of years ago probably three years ago and I felt as if the nerves inside of my feet had gotten damaged I wasn’t myself I could barely walk I just walk to be walking that’s what it feels like it’s heavy when I lift up my legs I pray for better days I pray for healing I used to visit doctors a lot I felt like something was wrong with me my body felt tense I had pains in some areas I used to always talk of visiting doctors and how I was in so much pain I stayed going to the hospital they said I was paranoid I want to come off the injection I’m taking for schizophrenia it left a lump on my arms and I don’t like that and when I was taking the medication it made me even more depressed I was better off without it I felt as if my world was crashing down I gained weight and my body had changed once I started taking the medicine I pray to get my healthy body back I was gone for a whole month and the guy I was dating didn’t know what was happening to me and he told me that I had gained weight in my face and that he was worried of me I haven’t been honest with him of my work experience of me having a job I used to work two jobs three years ago and he knew of that I didn’t like my home so I would spend my money visiting hotels I barely token care of myself I didn’t get my hair done or I didn’t buy new sneakers I was terrible my mind was focused on getting an apartment but I couldn’t afford one with the job I was working I was making less than 2k a month I pray that I can find a job that pays well so I can move into a new neighborhood a better neighborhood I would like to grow and heal and focus on being true to myself there’s a lot of people I don’t like I hated working at Whole Foods in Montclair I felt as if the supervisor was ghetto and she was too young to be my supervisor she was the same age as me years ago during my first job I would supervise sometimes and I just don’t want no one supervising me that’s younger than me I work hard and it don’t feel right even though I do listen I pray to open my own business one day and create my own YouTube video making juices and smoothies and doing other things as well probably singing recording songs and making hair tutorials I pray for my hands to heal so I can conquer all of my dreams those are things that I always felt I should be doing I let myself go and kept walking around not working staying Over peoples homes not being focused or working towards my dreams and goals I stopped dreaming I feel as if I want to sing still I have an amazing voice but the nerves in my body don’t feel the same to me I feel sick as if I have issues I was catching buses everywhere people was worried of me trying to help me it was bad my mother had kicked me out because I didn’t like the noise I would hear with the guy upstairs so I would sit in the hallway all night I would come in at night she told her mother I was staying out inside of the hallway it bad I didn’t like my grandmother because of that she told her To take away the keys and to not let me back inside the house she would let her mother talk down on me too a lot of the times she was the one who would argue with me all the time over the simplest things and it made me mad I would cry me and her would argue every single day that I was living with her I wanted to kill myself that’s how bad it was she didn’t want me to use her phone she would question my every move she didn’t want me to get fresh air she didn’t want me offending her neighbors she didn’t want me ringing her doorbell it was very bad her landlord questioned me asking me who I was my grandmother said he might of thought I was homeless I didn’t look too well my hair wasn’t done I wasn’t smiling I wasn’t myself my cousin and that house stressed me Out bad I felt tired I wasn’t getting out of the house or being surrounded by people I was inside the room or on the porch most of the time it was bad I pray for a new home I pray for a new job I pray for a new car I pray for strength and protection I pray for better days I pray for better days I pray for my father to heal from mental illness