Othaireurron
Prayer Warrior
I pray for great health I pray for brighter days I pray to be healed from anxiety and depression I pray to be healed from schizophrenia I was diagnosed with It when I went to check myself into a mental hospital after she heard me tell my story she told me I was paranoid and they put me on medication to see how I would do there I stayed in the hospital for a week I hated it and immediately wanted to leave she had told me that if I sign a paper to request to go home within 48 hrs it was a chance that my time would be longer if I had gotten denied and they would send me to another hospital so I had no choice but to stay as long as they kept me I felt as if apart of my freedom was being taken away from me I had to share a room with somebody I didn’t know I was there with a bald woman and she looked like she had been in prison I felt like I had decided to make the wrong choice I was crying a lot while I was there well only for the first few days or the first day it was awful the food wasn’t the best they gave me cold food and we had mini drinks I hated it I was able to look out the window and see cars ride by that was the only good thing I gotten out of that and resting I stayed asleep some nights I didn’t go watch movies with the others I had my own bed so I just went to lay down until it was time for me to go and my mom called me she was the reason I had checked myself into the hospital well I felt guilty for saying a bad thing about her bf even though he was very mean towards me always talking bad about me and putting me down I didn’t trust him she moved him into the house without telling me all she talk about is how her house not clean she would yell at me in front of family members all the time it’s like she didn’t want me to speak if I said something she would attack me and start saying how she about to drop me Off she used to treat me bad all the time I hated being around her she was a very evil woman and I didn’t want to be no where around her I liked my dad better than her because he was more easy going and easier to get along with and he would treat me well but he had his issues he was a very smart man I miss him he’s still alive but he has a mental illness he’s a Muslim I just pray that he gets back to himself he gained a lot of weight he said he wanted to lose it he was trying to find an apartment from staying at the ymca for a while he was going to the masjid With one of his guy friends I just pray that he finds his way back to peace and happiness he used to drive and have a nice little truck he sold clothes he had his own business going on I pray that he gets back to himself and start selling clothes again he Used to sew and make clothes really well it’s like he’s on medication and that’s all he talks about he was inside of a mental hospital for two years and He talks about the stories they had he was in and out of mental hospitals for years I was lost hurting wondering where he was no one ever got in touch with me or told me where he was my mother never went to go see him im not blaming her but I felt as if they could of told me something I felt bad for my dad he was stressed out cutting off all his hair he had dreadlocks ever since I was little and then out Of no where he went bald he was not himself I pray that he gets back to himself and start doing things again to keep himself healthy and in shape he’s not a bad guy somebody did something to him they was saying someone slipped something inside of his drink that’s what caused him to begin to act the way he was acting he started fighting with my mother a lot he would come inside the house drunk all the time it was very bad I pray he starts to drink smoothies and juices again he told me recently That he had been juicing I pray that his mind gets restored and freed from the things that may have traumatized him he’s a smart guy he used to help me with my hw all the time he used to be there for me he used to come to my basketball games he was a good dad he would bring me seafood when I would stay at my aunts house he also came to pick me up from camp and he used to take me out to eat him and my uncle they were good people I pray that I can go out with my family and do things with them I would like to take them out or workout or do something so we can come together my aunt always made sure I was well taken care of as well she Loved me I pray that things get better for me she knew I wasn’t myself I was talking down on my mother towards her and I want God to forgive me I was out of line because that’s still my mother even though she do messed up things I felt guilty for talking down on her to a lot of people so That’s why she started to look at me different I don’t think she likes me foreal she wants to block me and keep me stuck she would always be mad at me she Told me once that I was crazy for seeing a fly she was mad at me for reading signs while I was in ny she was not herself and she kept walking in front of me she was making me very uncomfortable it’s like she was trying to compete with me then when we were in ny when she was getting surgery done on her arm and I was talking To the doctors she came out in the hallway and said it’s always her child she was acting strange I didn’t like her and wanted to know why she would say that when I was just talking to people and having a conversation she would be upset with me it’s like I couldn’t talk move or do anything around her she always had something negative to say to make me feel down or bad of myself she would leave me inside the house alone when I was a child and not tell me anything I hated her I wanted to be with her wherever she was going that bothered me she would leave me with family members I didn’t want To be around them people are very toxic I didn’t like being downtown I felt like there was negative people around me and that bothered me I went to talk to a therapist years ago she told me she thought I was smart that’s when I was in school getting my certificate in business administration and this lady my mother started telling the administrator that I was depressed and that she wanted me to be happy she was doing all my paperwork and didn’t allow me to know anything she had gotten upset with me when I didn’t want to work with her she didn’t tell me the exact details and told me that I didn’t want to work then she said I could of had a good job working with her but I didn’t want to work with her I didn’t want to work with computers I wanted a job standing up so that’s why I didn’t really find work at that Time I was out of work for a while I felt like I was dating the wrong people I felt as if the guy I’m with he’s not a terrible guy he’s alright but I feel as if he’s not mature in some cases and that bothers me it’s like he just want me to come over his house to be intimate and that bothers me I don’t like that and would rather be with someone who I could speak with and have conversations with some people are not mature enough and that bothers me I hate it I want to be with a man that loves me and only me he talks about dating multiple women and I don’t know why I’m still around I don’t want to be second to no one I feel like he’s mean sometimes and certain things he do rub me the wrong way I used to sit back and watch him talk but I’m not sure if I want to be with him anymore I caught him watching another woman before then he told me that he wanted me to be like her to have a big butt and to have my hair done he always talks about my hair he picks things up for me I felt like he didn’t want me to be around his mother because of my hair he made me feel uncomfortable he always talks about me in a toxic way I know my health wasn’t as good and I wasn’t taking very good care of myself I just pray that things get better for me I pray for brighter days I pray for strength and healing I’m Over the relationship I felt upset he asked me to take a pregnancy test he went and bought one without addressing it to me this was after I had told him my period didn’t come on and I felt as if he was just listening to whatever I was telling him I had trouble Taking the pregnancy test he wanted me to take it in a public bathroom I felt freaked out that he would ask me to take it in a public bathroom he was stressing me out and making me mad I don’t want to be with him no more then he talks about himself a lot and talks of him and his health and how he’s healthy and how I can’t keep up with him I felt like he always try to tell me things to do I know how to love myself and take care of myself I felt as if I wasted my time dating him he cares for me I know he does but I want it work but I feel like he just wants to date and nothing else I’m older now and want to date a husband and want to be with somebody who can love me protect me and care for me I feel like he has a lot of growing up to do I pray for brighter days I pray for peace love and happiness I pray for a new home I pray for protection from the man upstairs I pray that I can move and stay away from this house this man been listening to me speak whenever I would step inside of my mothers room even when I would use the bathroom I could feel him listening to me or making noise near my private area or near the toilet area where I have to sit it’s like someone is making the noise that it makes he must be standing above the toilet playing with it allowing it to make noise I been living in this building for almost twelve years now and never have the toilet been making noise like that before it would be quiet I was worrying about the bathroom for years being in the bathroom listening to folks my brother used to move weird so my mother would throw him out the house he said he was moving like that because of my mother but I felt as if it was because of me he used to make me upset I didn’t like him and wanted to move out of the house so I don’t fight or argue with this man he was not himself he started to change when I was younger he would duck me whenever he would see me coming home from school one time he didn’t even pick me up from school and he went to be with his friends I swore I saw him when I was walking and he pretended not to see me he’s not my type he threatened to slap me in front of my cousin’s house I never forgotten that he’s not a bad person but the way he treated me was very bad I used to argue with him all the time and he would throw things at me I was getting my coat from off of his door and he attacked me and threw my coat at me when I was trying to make something in the microwave he started telling me that I had to wait for him to get out of the kitchen he was weird then I would have to stay inside of my mothers room both of them acted strange towards me I hated them I pray to heal from all the pain my cousin caused me the way she would behave around her mother and how she talked of dating people I felt like she thought that she was better smarter then me I overheard her say that she can pick up on energy I felt like she referring towards me I pray for a new car I pray for a new iPhone I pray that my hygiene becomes healthier and that I start to take better care of myself I pray for healing I pray to heal from suicidal thoughts and learn to love myself more