Jesussaves89
Beloved of All
Lord, please heal my mom from Asperger syndrome and whoever needs healing from this and please provide me with the love, care, and support from neurotypical people who can provide me this type of support. I'm not an emotionless zombie and I'm tired of not being able to communicate with almost my entire email. I feel alone. Caring for people who don't care or know my heart at all. Lord, please give me a neurotypical Christian husband if you are willing, a spouse, a partner, a companion, someone I can cry with, laugh with, joke with, I am unable to communicate with people who have Asperger syndrome. I am emotional in every moment, and if I really stink at verbal communication, especially this isn't even my native land. I feel alone, I don't want to be alone anymore. I am asking for a spouse who spends time with ME who cares about ME and not one side. I am every ill with the illnesses and I care for all people. I want some joy in my life. It's hard on me. Asking God to be merciful, take this Cassandra syndrome away. I am unable to communicate with my parents. I am unable to talk to them about anything. It's only obedience with them. I'm tired of this at the age of 35. I'm tired of being a little dog who has to just jump at my parents' command. I am heartbroken, tired, sick, lonely, and ill. Lord, I ask you to please do a miracle in my situation. I do not want to spend the rest of my life always in one-sided relationships, including with the Lord, where I don't matter, that is abusive, intentional or not. I don't want to live like that. I cannot go on like that, and I am unable to communicate with God or with man. I am alone, always alone. If I feel cursed, I feel sad, scared, alone. I am unable to talk to anyone about how I feel because no one cares or understands or cares. If I feel like I'm stuck in a pit, I cannot get out. Prayers don't help. I have no idea how to take care of myself, stand up for myself because I feel so broken, my body needs healing from autism conditions and my teeth make me depressed, I cry all day every day. I don't know how to get out of this hell. I have compulsive germ, dirt phobia, just mental and physical illness, maybe cancer in the brain. I have no help, can't go to a doctor. I'm asking the Lord to be merciful, take away your wrath, be kind so I can be kind to others. I don't want to be abused anymore, never validated, never finding joy in my relationships because I just never matter. Lord, help me in this area. If I have to be alone or alone for the rest of my life, I would rather die. The only thing keeping me going is my grandma, but I feel horrible. I do not know how to care for her or myself, we have the same condition with high blood sugar and it's living hell every day. I don't feel like alone. Nothing is worse than feeling so alone you want to scream you heart out every day and all day. Someone look at me, help me.