Anonymous
Beloved of All
I am severely struggling right now with mental health problems resulting from early traumas. I have tried to work on myself and heal from my issues since before I was 20. I am over 50 years old and have struggled with severe fear, depression and anxiety that have resulted in no longer being able to work and almost complete isolation now. My mental/emotional problems caused me to never have a family, so the isolation is even worse.
I had one friend and he understood my problems and had accepted me and had been here in friendship and support for the last 10 years. It took years of him standing by me and promising he wouldn’t abandon me and I finally truly trusted him. These last few years of having someone to connect and be friends with that understood my fears and accepted my emotional distress and major fears had been such a relief and improved my existence so much.
He got involved with a relationship with someone a few months ago and they have decided he can no longer be here for me like he was or support me and the support and ability to reach out in even just a text has now been removed. After all of the reassurance to build my trust, I was left after-all and this has retriggered so much in me. I am now alone and in so much distress from being abandoned by the only person I have trusted and by someone who understands how much pain this is causing. I understand how things would have needed to change some to make room for a special someone in his life but this level of abandonment is more then I can understand or bear.
I am so afraid I am going to live the rest of this life alone and die this way as I am now mostly homeboud and even when I can make it out, I can't imagine anyone ever loving someone with my problems. I don't want to live and die like I have had to live the rest of my life, trying to heal myself and be healthy enough to be loved. I am old and tired and I fear it is to late for me with no chances left for me to be able to fix myself. I can't find hope for me anymore beyond trying desperately to pray and believe that God does love me, can work miracles where I don’t have to be alone and could actually be loved by someone and that even if this life is horrible; there is happiness after. But even in all of that, there is so much fear and doubt that I wonder if it is even true and if this painful life is all I will have. PLEASE PRAY
I had one friend and he understood my problems and had accepted me and had been here in friendship and support for the last 10 years. It took years of him standing by me and promising he wouldn’t abandon me and I finally truly trusted him. These last few years of having someone to connect and be friends with that understood my fears and accepted my emotional distress and major fears had been such a relief and improved my existence so much.
He got involved with a relationship with someone a few months ago and they have decided he can no longer be here for me like he was or support me and the support and ability to reach out in even just a text has now been removed. After all of the reassurance to build my trust, I was left after-all and this has retriggered so much in me. I am now alone and in so much distress from being abandoned by the only person I have trusted and by someone who understands how much pain this is causing. I understand how things would have needed to change some to make room for a special someone in his life but this level of abandonment is more then I can understand or bear.
I am so afraid I am going to live the rest of this life alone and die this way as I am now mostly homeboud and even when I can make it out, I can't imagine anyone ever loving someone with my problems. I don't want to live and die like I have had to live the rest of my life, trying to heal myself and be healthy enough to be loved. I am old and tired and I fear it is to late for me with no chances left for me to be able to fix myself. I can't find hope for me anymore beyond trying desperately to pray and believe that God does love me, can work miracles where I don’t have to be alone and could actually be loved by someone and that even if this life is horrible; there is happiness after. But even in all of that, there is so much fear and doubt that I wonder if it is even true and if this painful life is all I will have. PLEASE PRAY