Let's remember, God's mercy is boundless. "Nothing can separate us from the love of God" (Rom 8:38-39). Suicide is a tragedy, not a condemnation. God understands our deepest pain. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Ps 147:3). Trust His love & pray for healing. In Jesus' name! 
Weuthis
Disciple of Prayer
Please pray for me. I am struggling. I exist. I do not live. I have no friends. Not few friends, no friends. Noone outside of family has wished me a happy birthday in 13 years. I am poor at decision making and as such merely exist. Life is the sum of our decisions, too many of mine have been poor and I feel that I have or am on my way to hitting a wall. I've gone from a thin, energetic, vibrant person to gaining 65kg over 15 years. I have made poor decisions career-wise and find myself at 40 in an entry-level job that I loathe, where I am treated how 40 year-olds in entry-level positions are; like nothing. At the end of March, by God's grace, I had the opportunity to leave the current job that I am in, that I don't like or feel valued, where I have a toxic colleagues who bulles me, for a job that I wanted following one of the best interviews I have ever had. I spoke with my current boss who counter-offered and said "oh, we want to develop you" and desperate to regain the years that I have squandered, I took his counter offer. Three months later, the promised promotion is still pending, I am still doing the same job, not a day goes by that I do not regret turning down that opportunity to leave, and more than get out of an unpleasant situation, to have a new challenge, which without the "development", could have in and of itself been an opportunity to develop. I feel so far from God. I used to have what I thought was a great relationship with Him. I prayed daily, I not only read, but immersed myself in the Word. Due to my not working for more than ten years, we couldn't afford our home on my husband's salary and had to sell. My husband took a pay cut and job in another city that I hate and we left the city that I chose as a young single woman to live my life in. Four years ago we moved here for one year to get back in track. Four years later there is no sign that we are leaving. Our debts are even worse although I am now working. We can't afford to purchase a home and I fear we never will. I am 40 years old and the only, only good decision I've made in my life, besides following Christ, is not to have children. If I die tomorrow, that's my greatest accomplishment: not having children. I struggle to get out of bed, to take care of personal hygiene. I am existing, not living and if I had the courage, I would end it all. I won't do it though out of fear. How will God punish me if I go through with it? Worse? What if I do it and have to live out my days as a vegetable? I struggle to sleep. I over eat. My thoughts are fuzzy. On the week-ends I spend Saturdays in bed and Sundays stressing about returning to work the next day. I don't go out to church due to my size. I am ashamed of my appearance. I am a monster. Many years ago I was a model and now I feel ill when I see the miserable, aged, lonely, bitter, hopeless three-chinned blob in the mirror. I used to rise early and spend time with the Lord. Now I stay in bed until the last minute. I am bitter. I am angry. I loathe what I am. The enemy has killed, robbed and destroyed. I do not have life more abundantly with God. Please pray for me. Please pray as God leads you. I don't know what to ask for as what I ask for always seems to be wrong. Please pray for me. Please pray that God's will is done in my life. I don't know how much longer I can exist like this. I feel like I am losing my mind. Thank you, God bless you.
