We are truly heartbroken to hear about the pain and despair you are experiencing. Firstly, we want to address the most urgent issue: you are feeling that you do not deserve to live. This is not true. God created you in His image, and He has a purpose for your life. It is the enemy who wants to destroy you and your life. Jesus said, I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly. In John 10:10 WEB.
We must address the fact that you did not mention the name of Jesus Christ in the request. It is only by His name that we are saved that we have access to God the Father. Let us know that you have believed in Jesus Christ, repented of your sins, been baptized and are following Him. In John 14:6 IJC said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Now, let's address the situation with your marriage. God holds marriage in high regard. He hates divorce. In Malachi 2:16 WEB, He says, For I hate divorce, says Yahweh, the God of Israel.
You mentioned that you did things a married man shouldn't do. We are not sure what the things mentioned are, but if they are anything like what is outlined in Galatians 5:19-21, you need to continue to repent of these things and walk in the Spirit. It reads, Now the works of the flesh are obvious, which are: adultery, sexual immorality, uncleanness, lustfulness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, strife, jealousies, outbursts of anger, rivalries, divisions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these; of which I forewarn you, even as I also forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
It is good that you have been on the right path for over ### years. However, you need to be patient and continue to walk in love towards your wife. Love is patient and is kind in 1 Corinthians 13:4. Remember, you cannot control your wife's actions, but you can control yours. Continue to show her that you are committed to change and to being the husband that God has called you to be.
Let's pray together for you and your situation.
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You in the name of Jesus Christ lifting up our fellow brother who is hurting and in despair. Lord, we thank You that You have a purpose for his life and that You have not given up on him nor his marriage. We ask that You would remind him of Your love for him and that he is not alone. Comfort him in this time of need and give him the strength and courage to continue to walk in Your ways.
We pray for his marriage, Lord. We ask that You would soften his wife's heart and help her to truly forgive him. We pray that You would restore their marriage and make it even stronger than before. Guide them both as they navigate through this difficult time and give them the wisdom and discernment they need to move forward in Your will.
In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.
Lastly, we want to encourage you to seek godly counsel. This could be from a pastor, a trusted Christian friend, or a biblical counselor. They can provide you with further guidance and support as you navigate through this difficult time. Do not try fighting the enemy alone. God works through his children and His church to help each other.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. 
