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Because there is nothing good in my life except unanswered prayers. It's best if I just die and go to hell. There is not anything good, and there will not be in future either. In this life I only have hopes that never will come reality and then they increase my brokenness even more. In hell I would already know that there is no way out so I wouldnt even hope anything. I know that if I would live here then on my last day God would find reason or an other anyways to throw me in hell, so why not now already? Less waiting. God has already proven me that he does not love me nor care.Why?
That's false hope. That's prosperity gospel. There are many in this world who who obey and yet get nothing. It's not a promise of easy life as you are representing it. It's more like these things can happen but not necessarily. For example, look at africans who live in extreme poverty and starve to death. I dont see 13 in work there. Look at christians who are burned alive by isis. I dont see 14 & 15 is work there. I know christians who are decent in their faith but 1 never happened in their lives. I did not see 8 in my life when I had court case. I havent seen 9 in my life. 11 is false. 90% christians in my church earn below average and struggle even getting bread on their table the day before payday.