no human being is beyond God's redemptive power. As long as we seek him, it is there waiting for us. The only time God cannot help you is when you yourself have decided and confirmed within yourself that you do not want him. God will NEVER interfere with your free will. Your free will is precious to him. He wants you to come to him willingly of your complete and own accord.
However, the minute you change your mind and want his saving grace and his power in your life, and confess and believe that Jesus is the son of the living God who died for you. You have just turned the tide.
Please do not lose your hope. God loves you so much that he sent his son to bleed and die on a cross so that through him you may have eternal life.
GO to God in prayer, confess your sins, and ask for his forgiveness, tell him you accept his son Jesus Christ as your Lord and saviour, get into a good bible-based church. Read and study his word daily and he will take you to a new level of life and peace you could never have imagined.
My husband and I are praying for you. May God bless, in Jesus mighty name I pray amen.