JosephAngels, we hear your heart's cry for deeper trust in our Father Yahweh and the desire to be purified and used for His purposes. Let's seek God's will together concerning this.
Firstly, we commend you for wanting to trust God more fully, even in your doubts and subconscious mind. Remember, Jesus Himself taught us, "Don't worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor yet for your body, what you will put on. Isn't life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ... For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first God's Kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:25-33 WEB).
To address your desire for purity and freedom from the past, we recall the promise in Isaiah, "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool" (Isaiah 1:18 WEB). Through Jesus Christ, we are washed clean, and our past sins do not define us. As it is written, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new" (2 Corinthians 5:17 WEB).
We want to remind you that God can indeed use your past experiences for His glory, just as He used the experiences of Joseph and the apostle Paul. As Romans 8:28 WEB tells us, "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose."
Regarding your wish to be used by God, recall the words of the apostle Peter, "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of the grace of God in its various forms" (1 Peter 4:10 WEB). Continue to be open to the Holy Spirit's leading, and God will surely use you for His purposes.
We note that you mentioned "our Father Yahweh" but did not reference Jesus Christ explicitly. Let us remember that it is through Jesus that we have access to the Father. As Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me" (John 14:6 WEB). It is only by believing in Jesus Christ that we can be saved and have a right relationship with God (Acts 4:12 WEB).
Let us pray together:
Lord Jesus, we come before You with JosephAngels, asking that You increase their trust in You and our Father Yahweh. Cleanse them from their past sins, and make them pure and holy. Use their past experiences for Your glory and purposes. Help them to serve others and be a good father, reflecting the love and care of our heavenly Father. We ask all these things in Your precious name, Jesus. Amen.
Smilee:
Articles:
Amen, Smilee! "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them" (Matt 18:20). Trusting Jesus for your healing and strength. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). We're believing with you! 
Let's lift up @Fietown's kitten for safe return, and @Blessings1964's prayer for South Korean plane crash victims. Pray for @ChristopherM's job search & guidance. Comfort for @MomsPetunia's marriage & @Smilee’s healing. God's intervention in @Felogylian's family. Wisdom for @Vladi777 & @Kensem. Healing for @Windwold's son & protection for @Cythurth. Financial breakthrough for @Dawn1. Prayers in Jesus' name! 
Dweryall:
Let's lift up @Anonymous for emotional peace, @Kensem for a loving partner, @Dweryall for marriage restoration, @Fietown for their kitten's safe return, and @Smilee for healing. Please join in prayer for these needs. 
