Maboisha
Prayer Partner
Thank you so much to everyone who has prayed for me & they man I love over the last few months! On Thursday, I finally told him I liked him! I wrote him a message saying that I really like him & if he thinks he might like me too , I think we should do a video chat date. If he thinks of me as a friend, that's ok & I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship because I value it! If he thinks I'm crazy & annoying, he can tell me & I'll leave him alone! I told him I wanted whatever he wanted & all that matters is for him to be happy! I asked him to not worry about hurting my feelings or be scared of the face that we would be long distance. I figured that covered all the bases & would make him feel as comfortable as one can feel to reply with whatever answer he had. I wrote it out Wednesday night & spent hours rereading it & hovering my finger over the send button, trying to work up the nerve to just send it! He saw my message right away but took over an hour & a half to reply. I honestly thought that was because he was kind of freaking out in a good way! I mean, I had every indication that he loved, or at at least liked, me too! Other people saw it, whether it was those that saw us in person & stared at us while grinning (some of whom I heard talking about us afterwards too), those that saw our interactions online, or those that heard stories afterwards & had no doubt in their minds we were meant to be! Also, I saw the 2 very specific signs that I prayed I would see if (& only if) we were meant to be! Between these 2 things, I was almost positive we would be starting an actual relationship that day! When I read his message, the words didn't even make sense to me! He was SUPER nice (Of course! He's genuinely a really great guy!) but he said he saw me as a good friend. He was very apologetic & I could almost hear the hurt just reading it, so I knew I needed to reply quickly to put him at ease! I told him it really was ok & I just hope this doesn't make things too weird & mess up our friendship any! He quickly wrote back, "No! Not at all!" I that & then write back, "Good!" He that! Now I need a new set of prayers! I'm trying to be a big girl & working hard to be more ok than I thought I could be! It still hurts SO badly though & I have had many crying sessions over three last few days! Also, I'll be doing fine & then I'll hear a song that made a video about, see something he told jokes about, see his initials, things like that, & it'll get me! When Instagram didn't just notify me last night that he posted a new picture, but for the first time ever, it put a full-sized picture on my pulldown notification menu, that was a really rough one! I pray that I can have peace & that I can heal from this pain! I'm happy I can do things now & give it my all, without stopping every 2 minutes to check his social media or my messages, so I praise God for that! I also give Him immense praise that I can still have a beautiful friendship with this wonderful man! Please pray for God's constant guidance & help as I navigate this difficult transition from a "can't eat, sleep, or breathe, I'm so head over heels in love" kind of love to a close friendship kind of love! Right now, I see his pictures & don't think, "There's my future husband," or "There's my good friend!" I think, "There's the man that shattered my heart into a billion pieces! He's still my friend & I do & always will love him, but I don't know how to do this yet!" Please pray that God helps me with that! Please pray that I can make some sense out of why I received such clear signs if we're not meant to be. Please pray that he doesn't feel too bad about it! Pray that things truly don't seem weird or awkward to him & that they never do! Pray that he will be able to better understand what he is doing & what certain words & actions imply to those around him! (He's not the most intelligent guy & I truly believe he honestly didn't realize what he was doing. I honestly don't believe he'd ever lead someone in in person!) Please pray to that God would help me have a clear understanding of what the social media boundaries are. I don't want to not react to his posts, but I don't want to be the first one every time. I want to leave some posts alone &, while some posts definitely require a or (as I would react to any other friend), im trying to just many of his posts. I just pray that I'm not overthinking that & 1) make it weirder, rather than taming the weirdness, or 2) get too obsessed over making it look a certain way & then get pulled back in! Also, I praise God for my mom, my 2 in-person friends, & my many internet friends who have been there for me through it all, talking about it, praying for me, giving me advice, being excited for me, etc. all along this almost 6 month long journey!